candid reflection

B”H

February 12, 2020

I often find myself in an existential bind: because my identity is partly defined by my expression of belief through writing, as well as my personal thoughts, as funneled through that belief, it is almost as if I could say that “I write therefore I am.” Of course, this also implies the converse, as if my sense of existence diminishes when I am not writing. I wonder whether or not I am alone in regard to this dilemna, painted in the larger context, simply as “the fear of not writing.”

To add to the dilemma, of whether “to write or not to write” is the tangible reward that occurs when others appreciate my writing. I recently began posting answers to questions asked on Quora. One of my posts received 48 views in one hour. This is way more views, than any one particular blogpost that I have ever posted on one of my three blogs at WordPress. Yet, I am not astounded; rather, I am only mildly pleased that, at least, for the sake of others, my writings based mostly on my knowledge within the field of psychology may be of some benefit to the viewers at Quora. After all, my conscience maintains that “its not about the views.”

Yet, my concern is that having a slightly addictive personality, I actually am finding it challenging to get up from my desk. It’s almost as if my fingers are trembling in anticipation of my next post. I have never felt this way about my blogposts at WordPress; so, I must conclude that there is some lure of the possibility of obtaining a certain amount of views with my next post on Quora that keeps me in bondage to the keyboard on my Amazon Fire HD8 Kindle.

I recall many months ago, explaining to a friend about my online writing and videos, noting that “it’s not about the likes.” And, here I am eating my words, at least, in regard to the views my posts are getting on Quora. It’s enough to compel me to get up from my desk and walk up the hill for some fresh air, a view of the city, and a new perspective. Because, it is obvious to me that I am at risk of becoming addicted to the quantitative appreciation of the viewers of my posts at Quora. I suppose the same problem may eventually occur with regard to my blogs. H’Shem willing, I will not fall prey to the narcissistic temptation of taking pride in views and likes on any online format.

note –

based on a previous blogpost: an existential phobia,

at my Clear Horizons blog

Published by Tzvi Fievel

I am a Jewish ba'al teshuvah, having been redirected in life by my belief and practice. I have a B.A. in Psychology and another B.A. in English. Also, I am certified as a pyschophysical re-educator. At current, I am focusing on my writing.

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