Breathing Room

Existential Realities – page 1

“G-d speaks in different ways, and we don’t always recognize his voice. Sometimes in the night, he uses terrifying dreams, to give us warning. G-d does this to make us turn from sin and pride and protect us from being swept away to the world of the dead.” – Job 33:14-18, CEV

One seemingly unbearable consequence of isolation is its potential to reveal hidden truths about oneself. Thus, on the eve of my tenth day of quarantine for Covid, last November, I entered a state of “existential dread.” I was faced with all of the unpleasant things about myself that would surface on occasion in my life, and then submerge below my conscious awareness again.

There was no respite, until a divine intervention brought about relief around 3:00 a.m. that morning. Yet, the issue at a hand was not the stark realities that each of those unresolved issues portended; rather, what those concerns pointed toward, namely, a feeling of meaningless in my life, despite my faith, that almost always serves as a buttress between a positive outlook and encroaching negativity.

It was as if a sense of meaningless permeated my entire being, while consolation in my religious belief and practice seemed to be in limbo at that time. Within the framework of existential psychology, “meaninglessness” is one of the four universal issues that people face in their lives to a greater or lesser degree. Yet, as I mentioned, meaninglessness is usually buffered by my faith.

I believe that meaning and purpose in life is derived from the Biblical creation narrative, regarding the dual role of mankind in regard to Gan Eden, “to work it and guard it.” Upon a closer reading of the original Hebrew, the injunction may be rendered as “to serve and to observe;” in other words, to serve G-d, and observe His commandments.

To this day, I still accept this injunction as axiomatic to my faith, as well as a universal given, noting the authority of the Bible. This has always been enough for me, ever since I became observant, within the context of my belief and practice: yet, an individual purpose in life, one that is uniquely my own, must be drawn out from this dual raison d’etre. Perhaps, the sum total of everyday tasks that constitute its fulfillment is not enough to substantiate that reason. There must be a more in-depth inculcation of this reason for being.

The issue hand, revealed to me by the emptiness of that night was the following: gnawing questions of my life in comparison to others, whose lives are successful by modern or worldly standards, stood out in stark relief, against my own, even though I had always dismissed the comparisons. Yet, this time I could not deny how I felt – bereft of a trajectory.

Even so, my sense of relief arrived before dawn, when I was shown that correspondence with others about these issues would somehow bring me renewal. At that point, a wave of peace swept over me. Now, it is up to me to set aside the rumination of these concerns, and simply follow the prescriptive remedy given to me from a divine source.

Challenges Along the Way – Part 2

Years ago, as a seeker, I renewed my high school interest in Eastern Religion. This led me to books, such as Sidhartha, and the Dhammapada. I also read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, and a smorgasbord of others, inclusive of Zen Buddhism and neo-shamanism.

Yet, I only briefly mentioned my New Age past in a blogpost at Words Give Life, within the context of how I transcended that phase of my life. I transitioned to the Judaism of my upbringing through a book on Jewish mysticism by Gershom Sholem, called Trends in Jewish Mysticism; within its pages, I read about all of the concepts that I was familiar with from my eastern religious exploration, yet, in terms of Jewish belief and practice.

The Jewish version reached into my soul, and permeated my understanding even moreso than the eastern religious precepts. Rather than view these Jewish teachings as one more set of truths under the sun, I reclaimed them as my own. After all, even in partaking of an actual smorgasbord of food at a dinner party, restaurant or reception, one has to make a selection.

Interestingly enough, the Dalai Lama advocated in one of his book’s to follow one path; for himself, he was not concerned with pointing out that one path to others, rather, simply that instead of following many roads at once, within a syncretic blend of religion and spirituality, he was saying chose one, for the sake of integrity and a comprehensive understanding from a particular framework.

This is akin to an adage spoken by a great karate sensei, who recently passed away, “you can be a jack-of-all-trades or a master of one.” Some people in the martial arts cross train; however, to gain the skills learned from one martial art is to slowly acquire a more comprehensive understanding.

Perhaps, in religion it is the same; and, so that claim would discount the perennial philosophy and reductionism of any syncretic religious mish-mash of belief and practice, such as is proffered by the New Age Movement: to mix and match, according to one’s own particular practice that is individually formed and suited according to a subjective leaning toward whatever one is drawn.

For myself, this had only left me feeling incomplete, as well as, in retrospect, unable to transcend my own limited and disparate views. True religion has an objective quality that acknowledges a higher power, i.e., G-d above the individual, yet, also capable of being present with the individual. The confusion of the new age movement is to identify self with G-d, a concept that is untenable if exposed to rational critique. When I wear my yarmulke (small religious hat) on my head every day, this serves in part as a reminder of humility toward G-d Who is above me.

He is both transcendent as well as immanent according to the philosophy of Judaism. Yet, within the New Age Movement G-d is primarily viewed as immanent, which, theologically, tends to leave New Agers in a state of vacuous moral predicament, if there is not absolute divine authority to look toward for guidance, and a set of values delineating right from wrong. Of course, I should speak for myself, noting that I was not informed by the various beliefs and practices I had obtained, of any strong moral principles; although, I now follow a traditional religious path with a clear moral framework. With that said, I hope that I have not offended anyone; my aim is to educate, raise awareness, and share my own personal story if I can be of any avail to others.

Challenges Along the Way

How far has my belief and practice taken me already; and, what additions or modifications do I need to make, in order to gain a more effectual understanding of myself in relationship to G-d and His commandments? I am asking these questions of myself: however, you may also ask yourself these questions or some variation thereof. It is not uncommon to be concerned with applying a gauge to one’s spiritual practice, or religious path along the way; in fact, it is recommended.

For myself, there is both a spiritual as well as a religious component to my path. Unless both the spiritual aspects and the religious structure, each somehow will reach down into the core of my being and continue to permeate my life in a beneficial way, then I would need to step back and make an assessment of my efforts. Perseverance is key; and I recognize that sometimes the path can seem more barren than other times. Yet, this is also to be expected.

In the past few days, I have been exploring the concept of acedia, invariably described as listlessness, boredom, and sloth, to name a few of its “characteristics.” In reading about acedia, it seems that much of what I am experiencing has already been framed in words that explain the malady so much better than I ever could. Moreover, one of the remedies is summed up in one word: “perseverance.”

Within the early years of the monastic tradition, whereof acedia is referred to as a spiritual plague of sorts, the monks were mostly confined to their cells, except for communal prayer and meals. Manual labor had not yet been introduced into the daily regimen. Acedia would plague the soul of the monk, making confinement to one’s cell during the day almost unbearable; so, they were always admonished not to leave their cell, except, for communal activities.

I imagine that within the monastic tradition, a monk leaving his cell, would be akin to going off the derech (path), G-d forbid, within the framework of Judaism. I realize that this is a rough comparison; however, the basic risk is letting go of one’s focus on G-d, in pursuit of other cisterns – sources of pleasure, entertainment, or intellectual curiosity. Rather, it is a narrow road to Olam Haba (the World to Come), where eternity awaits the faithful.

Partake of the Blessings

“So shall they put My name upon the children of Israel, and I will bless them. – Numbers 6:27, JPS 1917 Tanach

The kohanim served as conduits, inasmuch that the actual blessing flowed from G-d through them, unto the recipients of that blessing, the congregation of Israel. Into their lives, this blessing extended, guaranteed through G-d’s benevolence, and maintenance, so to speak, of that blessing, for only He has the wherewithal to carry out the effectual materialization of that blessing. Whereas man is limited, G-d is unlimited in regard to what He is able to accomplish for us in this world and the next. Where in your life does G-d’s blessing prevail? Where in your life is G-d’s blessings needed most?

Soul Renewal

For anyone who has an ideal set of values, and hopefully that includes you, dear reader, there may still be a disconnect between the intellect and the heart (hopefully, that does not include you). Yet, if so, that disconnect could lead to a disparity between a person’s sense of the ideal, and what is the actuality in his of her life. One way to make a conscious change for self-improvement has to do with the arena of tikkun hanefesh (renewal of the soul). The initial effort of renewal depends upon the careful observation of thought, speech and behavior over time, in order to review, discern, and make any necessary changes. On a more comprehensive scale, we can transcend our own negativity, failures, and broken dreams, by focusing on inner change.

Moreover, based upon our realization that we are not fully independent beings, that we have a connection to the divine; we may seek a connection to G-d, because that connection is inherent in the makeup of our being. For, we are created imatatio dei, in the image of G-d. In order to live up to His image, we need to find ways to express our imitation of Him. Within Judeo-Christian belief, this is done by adhering to the divine guidance given through scripture. Thus, we may transition from being subject to our fallen nature, by striving for righteousness in our lives, based on the expectations of G-d.

“Saith the L-RD, I will put My law in their inward parts, and in their heart will I write it; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”

– Jeremiah 31:33, JPS 1917 Tanach

Soul Journey

“‘Clear ye in the wilderness the way of the L-RD.”

– Isaiah 40:3, JPS 1985 Tanach

Our ways must approach the ways of G-d. If we are intent on acknowledging that “His ways are higher than our ways” (Isaiah 55:9), then we should feel inclined to make an effort in our lives to “make straight the way of the L-rd.” What would this look like for you in your life? What are the steppingstones required to reach the goals that you might envision for yourself? If we conform to the image of G-d, based upon His expectations of us, and the hope that He will mold us, then we are on our way, and He will “pave the way into eternity.”

“This world is like a vestibule before the world to come; prepare yourself in the vestibule, so that you may enter the banqueting-hall.”

– Pirkei Avot 4:16, sefaria.org