existentialism – Breathing Room

Life’s Illusions

Have you ever had the feeling that “it’s later than it seems?” This feeling could manifest within the framework of your daily routine, yet, point toward something of greater significance. We tend to ignore, overlook, or distract ourselves from one of the fundamental givens of our existence: that our lives on earth are limited to a certain number of years. From the perspective of existential psychology, this existential given that everyone faces, causes us anxiety that manifest in indirect ways in our lives. Therefore, it is better to be brought out into the open, at some point, so that we can acknowledge what will eventually be brought to our awareness, sooner or later.

Yet, instead of acknowledging this reality, we might unconsciously try to avoid any reflection upon the brevity of our lives, by constantly distracting ourselves. In other words, by default, we face this particular existential given, by avoiding the recognition of our life on this earth as finite. Rather than think that we only have so many days to live in a way, pleasing to G-d, many of us live by always occupying our time with something to distract us from our own personal anxiety, fear, and uncertainty about the future, and the inevitability of death.

And, so, like water flowing where it will, or dandelion puffs blowing here and there, our natural inclinations lead us astray, acting against contemplation of the givens of our existence, and bringing us further away from the responsibility of actualizing an overall purpose in our lives, above and beyond the daily grind, and the seeking of pleasure, entertainment, and relaxation for its own sake.

Moreover, rebellion has become normative. Our flight from reality is sanctioned by the ongoing progressive cultural milieu of our times. For, if we do not even acknowledge the finiteness of our lives, then we may see ourselves within the framework of a delusion – that our lives are limitless, we can pursue whatever gives us satisfaction without any repercussions upon our conscience, especially if we are our own masters of conscience, and arbiters of truth.

As such, we disavow any claims made upon our lives by an authority higher than ourselves. Part of the tragedy stems from our views of authority from childhood, as influenced by the surrounding culture. Unless there is a tight-knit cohesion of the family unit, it is subject to decay, by way of outside influences. Its authority, in terms of positive parental influence is decreased in the minds of youth, who show signs of disrespect, and the parents themselves, who want to raise their children having a sense of freedom and autonomy they themselves value in their own lives. Yet, freedom must be balanced with responsibility, and autonomy must be weighed against the sovereignty of others.

There is a difference between dominion and domination. Mankind has been given dominion over the world, in order to serve as responsible stewards of the archetypal Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve lived in a Paradise, wherein a threefold harmony existed between themselves and G-d, with each other, and their environment. A fourth harmony was the inner sanctity within each of them as individuals.

This harmony was abandoned in favor of disobedience, the lure of becoming independent actors in a world created with a purpose and directive by the ultimate Director, whose script they chose to no longer follow. Instead, we establish ourselves as the highest authority, and end up dominating, instead of guiding the lives of others. Yet, G-d is compassionate; ever since the Fall, the expulsion from Paradise, G-d has been calling us back to him. He also took a measure of propriety to ensure that mankind would not have the leeway to continue outside of the initial plan – he limited the lifespan of mankind to 120 years maximum.

And, yet, we fill up our years, whether they be 70, 80 or more with material concerns (in Hebrew, gashmiyos), irrespective of the destiny of our souls. We attempt to dominate time, by making sure that we are always active, or always accomplishing something, yet, while concomitantly relinquishing our responsibility to use our time wisely. Rather, we need to redeem the time, by way of more meaningful pursuits in our lives.

Consider, that a conundrum exists between the focus on our physical existence, to the neglect of the soul. Our physical lives, in particular, the body, will eventually be subject to decay, while the soul is eternal. If our soul is eternal, then shouldn’t we begin to nourish what will last forever? We wouldn’t invest in a company that has a declining stock value. Yet, we continue to invest our lives with interests that are ephemeral. Moreover, whether you receive this or not at this time in your life, know that we are held accountable for the way we conduct ourselves in this life. The quality of our eternity depends upon how we lived our life.

Nobody wants to face death; we would rather enjoy our lives. Moreover, if this is all there is, irrespective of any kind of an afterlife, then most people who think this way, perhaps, would tend to live outside any sense of telos – an ultimate, purposeful goal beyond the ordinariness of our lives. And, yet, if we have not already considered what might be our ultimate purpose or individual mission in life, then the question may beg an answer, if only below the level of our awareness.

We distract ourselves from what is the most value in life. We are consumed with busyness – busy activity – even outside of our normative roles, tasks, and challenges for survival and to provide for others. However, of virtue, destiny and telos we remain ignorant, unconcerned, and even resentful toward any claim of an order that exists outside of our own individual kingdom where we seek to reign by giving into whatever we feel, think, or desire for ourselves. Thus, we do not even realize, that, in actuality, we our slaves to our desires.

Our lives have been stolen from us by the influence of therapeutic culture, an ever-pervasive “philosophy of life” that emphasizes our subjective pursuits for safety, freedom from suffering, and the lowest common denominator in terms of responsibilities – only to adhere to the path that will bring the most satisfaction. In doing so, we risk acknowledgment of the value and integrity of others. We honor ourselves more than others, and even worse, give no thought to honoring the Creator. Thus, the inherent danger in regard to G-d’s creatures – our fellow human beings – is to disregard their autonomy. Moreover, when we objectify others, we deny their dignity.

A repair of the human soul, a reordering of our values, and a reconstituting of a greater harmony going out beyond ourselves is in need. While we might remain faithful to the responsibilities of our lives, we have abandoned the yoke of Heaven. Yet, the path to harmony within and without begins with a first step, made in tandem with an answer to a higher calling. We may still have a chance to place our faith in someone other than ourselves before it is too late.

Existential Isolation Part 2

Existential Isolation: Reflections on Groundlessness

There was no extant vocabulary of my own, that I could use to describe my experience of existential isolation. Although I did stumble upon this passage from scripture: “G-d speaks in different ways, and we don’t always recognize his voice. Sometimes in the night, he uses terrifying dreams to give us warnings. G-d does this to make us turn from sin and pride and to protect us from being swept away to the world of the dead” (Job 33:14-18, CEV).

It would suffice to say that although I did not have a nightmare that night, I did experience an overwhelming sense of existential dread that permeated my soul until three a.m. The scriptural passage speaks of an admonition given by G-d to an individual to serve as a wake-up call in life. The two spiritual ailments, according to this passage, that are the root of the detour that the soul may have previously taken in life are “sin and pride.”

If sin and pride lead to existential dread, as in my case, then I would caution anyone against letting oneself be subject to the sinful nature, that we all have, without fighting against it. Additionally, it takes an acute mind, and a distinct exploration of one’s character to unroot pride in all of its aspects. It is as if I have yet to even begin the journey, inasmuch that I had often mistaken myself as being humble, until I realized that was a false sense of humility that deceived me.

Overall, I am grateful to G-d for leading me in the right direction toward a greater sense of fulfillment through serving Him, instead of myself. If the soul is restless until we find rest in G-d’s presence, then the soul is also groundless, until His presence is received with the intent to let Him permeate our lives. And, although this will only occur gradually over time, as far as I know, the journey must begin somewhere.

I am starting to realize that my negative emotions can be understood as a sign that not everything that I was doing to draw close to G-d was having the intended affect; although, the issue at hand may have more to do with the quality of my efforts, rather than with the specific means of connecting to G-d. I try to remind myself that His wisdom is higher than ours, so seeking out His wisdom, instead of relying on ourselves for all of the solutions in life is essential.

Existential Isolation: Transforming the Soul

Exploring the Ground of Being and G-d Awareness

A sense of groundlessness can lead to either despair, or the existential discovery of G-d. Unless addressed in the ensuing days, weeks and months, despair will always appear as a factor to be rendered with, by alleviating the isolation with a continuous search for the author of our being.

Existential psychology, in and of itself, does not recognize divine authorship of the human being; and, therefore it fails in two concerns. Not to recognize G-d as a source of hope, strength and comfort; and, secondly, neglecting the soul’s divine blueprint, with a G-d given purpose in life stamped on the essence of each individual.

This leaves a person grappling with self-identity, self-expression, and freedom without the inherent obligations commended by G-d’s word. Thus, the freedom without responsibilities acknowledged from a transcendent source, can potentially render the soul groundless, time and time again, until that sense of groundlessness is sublimated by the psyche, and filled up with the distractions in life that keep our minds distant from a higher purpose.

What is the answer? Existential psychology would both applause and critique this freedom as the opportunity to be our own authors in life; yet, while potentially becoming overwhelmed with the possibilities, especially without a sense of moral ground. (The truth is that we are not free, because of our sin nature; however, I will leave that to another time for further exploration.).

Society is being drawn toward the illusion of freedom today, with the resultant option that arises by default, namely, a pervasive nihilism whether implicit or explicit in the lives of people, who are inclined to gravitate more toward materialism than a sense of inner purpose and transcendent values.

Perhaps, it is simply when the groundlessness of our lives becomes apparent at a time of some existential crisis, that we are brought face to face with either G-d or ourselves. And, I would presume to think that it is only human nature to vacillate between the two. I am speaking of my own experience, as well as an intuition intermingled with various sources that address this fundamental truth of our existence; for instance, theology, philosophy, psychology and specific scriptural passages from the Bible.

For myself, this relatively new awareness of the groundlessness of my life has become a kind of fertile void, wherein I am able to explore more freely than in the past. Furthermore, I have gone into the depths of my own heart, and the heights of connecting to G-d through prayer, while also plummeting the wisdom of kitvei kodesh (holy scripture).

For the most part, there is a distinct blend of subjectivity with objectivity in what I am writing, as an exposition on my initial thoughts, based upon the beginning of my exploration of this condition, that needs to be named, defined, and brought out in relief by the findings of others who preceded me in their exploration, and surpass me in wisdom.

Thus, I make no pretense of knowing anything, except the experience of being that has not left me since its initial inception in my own life, when I was brought to a place of existential isolation on my last night of quarantine, after contracting Omicron, in November of 2022. It would certainly be interesting to know, if anyone else has had a similar experience, and found it to be life-changing event. (please, feel free to comment if you have).

Shalom aleichem (Peace unto you).