character development – Page 2

My Story: Who am I?

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

My youth, upon reflection, must have been typical of any other, more or less, who was educated in a secular school system in America. In the 1980’s, the Beatles were still popular enough to become one’s entry point into Western music. As any other kid on the block, I had a collection of cassettes at the time, that included the Beatles, as well as a growing number of other musicians and bands, that was later replaced with a record collection, and, eventually, c.d.’s.

I also had my favorite books, especially in high school, when I read the Hobbit, and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Additionally, I had my most viewed television programs, that kept me preoccupied, even in high school (when I should have been learning more), inasmuch that I had my own television, as did my siblings. This latter modern phenomenon is something that always bothered me in later years, when I reflected upon the tragedy.

Dare I use such a significant word? Yes, because this pertains to the tragedy of an overemphasis on individuation and subjectivity, to the point of isolation and alienation, as a result of a lack of genuine communication amongst family members, a common set of clearly defined values, and the sense of liberal views pertaining to the raising of children. I think that the common myth went and still may go something like this: our children should be free to learn, choose, and decide for themselves what to believe in, engage their time with, and find out what makes them happy in life.

On the surface, this combination of tolerance, permissiveness, and lack of engagement with child-rearing sounds great to the modern mind; yet, in retrospect, at least for myself, I can earnestly say that it was and is a formula for disaster in various ways, inclusive of too much freedom, not enough direction, and no clear guide to developing an inner moral compass.

To begin with, from the point of view of existential psychology, one of the four existential givens is significantly at play here: the continuum between freedom and responsibility. Without a sense of direction, freedom can be overwhelming, and provide too large of an area to explore, without the acknowledgment of boundaries and limitations.

Yet, society promotes this exploration, even moreso today, within the framework of progressive ideology; moreover, it seems to be a liberal standard to let one’s children find their own way in life, with all of its ups and downs, wrong roads and detours, in hopes that eventually they will be able to find the path that they as individuals are meant to be on, for the sake of their own personal happiness in life.

However, over forty years later, whereas now I feel that I am finally on the right path, I realize that according to the standards that I have accepted for myself in life, namely those proffered by the Bible, nowhere in scripture is it written, “And you shall be happy.” Meaning to say, happiness is not the most important factor of life. Moreover, the commandments given by G-d at Mount Sinai are meant to provide a moral compass in order to steer one’s life in the right direction.

Furthermore, these commandments were given to us for our own good, by a loving Father who would like to spare us from making the wrong choices in life. Even so, please, keep in mind, that He did give all of humankind free will. As is conveyed so aptly, “See, I give you life, and I give you death… choose life” (Deuteronomy 30:19). It is as if He gives us all of the right answers on the test of life, as well as the wrong answers, and encourages to answer correctly.

Overcoming Divisiveness – Part 1

Active Listening and Mutual Acceptance:

I think that some people are clearly looking for solutions to the world’s problems, and may feel that if the view that they have accepted as the solution is not accepted by others, then the fruition of that solution into actuality is being threatened. It’s as if the enactment of their world view, that they have staked a claim upon as necessary for a better society, is a view desperately clung to as a panacea for the world. It is not so much their own certitude in regard to their particular view, rather their allegiance toward that worldview as the only credible solution for the evils of the world. As such, it may become implausible for them to even attempt to consider how anyone else could object; and, therefore their only recourse is to shut down the other, or for themselves to exit the conversation, while condemning the other. Apparently, civil discourse is not an option when emotions run high, and devotion to a cause is intractable.

As a result of this political, social, and moral climate, another question is being asked, based on the assumption that people in general need to stand together in some kind of unity with each other, or at the very least, acceptance of each other’s viewpoints. After all, isn’t that what the term, diversity originally meant? Yet, amongst the left, and those who support the Woke Ideology there can be no room for error in their presuppositions about the world as seen through the Marxist lens of power dynamics. So, how can the ordinary person better learn to communicate with one’s fellow person? How can we allow for the diversity of opinion celebrated in an actual democracy? Moreover, what has happened to the marketplace of ideas in this country?

Consider that there must be a mutual receptivity to what the other has to say, and those words need to be spoken in a nonassertive way, without putting oneself or one’s ideas upon a pedestal. Additionally, both must be active listeners as well as effective communicators, giving ample time and space to the other to express his or her viewpoints before responding. Additionally, if individuals stand upon their own belief system, in recognition that first and foremost they must be the ones to enact it in their own personal lives, then maybe there would be less of an impetus for others to also have to accept the same worldview. Finally, to act out of humility, knowing that one’s viewpoints might not necessarily lead toward the ideal sense of society that one would hope to see; and, be open to exploring other possibilities.

Yet, the main reason why the marketplace of ideas has been shut down is because of the rise of cancel culture in mainstream society. This “strategy,” if you will, for getting one’s way in a heated debate began over ten years ago on university campuses. It was used so much as a tool of the left, that even in universities at that time, many students as well as teachers with conservative viewpoints withheld their views in order to escape being dragged out into the limelight of public discourse where they could be intimidated. Perhaps, today, the intransigence of one’s position as the only defense against others with different views only contributes to the invective.

So, it may not be about changing others per se; rather, simply to start by challenging the stance of others who feel a need to be overly assertive about their viewpoints, asking why they feel threatened by those with different views. And, if some is open to sincere dialogue, then to raise that possibility as a means of restoring a sense of civil discourse. Yet, as for the ideologues who are not interested in entertaining any other set of ideas, how can someone unwilling to discourse with another be approached? The strength of one’s position compels that person to see his or view as the correct one, and to be adamant to the point of refusal to hear anyone else’s view. This intransigence is a roadblock that cannot be crossed, except if that person realizes through personal insight, the nature of his position, and the need to transform one’s viewpoints. (Stay tuned for Part 2).

Transcendent Righteousness

Soulful Connections: Transcending Negativity (a remedy for anger):

Anger does not tend toward righteousness. Rather, frustration, irritation, and resentment can potentially lead to a negative attitude toward others. Even in the moment, when trying to do our best, perhaps, if there is a “bitter root,” below are awareness, it may manifest in a tangible way, towards another, whom we would rather show compassion toward, if we were only able to do so.

Hopefully, this is not the norm, rather, the exception to our behavior; yet, speaking for myself, even once when the potential for me to do good, through kindness or consideration is thwarted by my own negativity, this, in and of itself is disappointing. What may be the solution, in order to transcend these underlying psychological rifts, that prevent the righteousness ascribed to those who do not let negative feelings get in the way of doing good?

You may relate to this or not; if you do, hearken to words that are not my own, “Tremble, and sin not” (Psalms 4:5, JPS 1917 Tanach). The Hebrew word, ragaz, translated here as “tremble, connotes the physiological signs of anger, that are experienced within oneself, for example, a vibration in the chest, denoting the precursor to anger expressed, if not placed in check. And, this is the key point to be made here. We may experience anger, first, noticing its onset; yet, we do not have to give in to its destructiveness. “Tremble, and sin not.”

Thus, we can manage anger by becoming more aware of its visceral manifestation in the body; and, remaining steadfast in the prevention of that feeling of anger taking sway in our words, or behavior. Even so, the underlying causes must be sought out, uncovered, and brought to the forefront of the mind’s attention, so that the soul may deal properly, working through those issues. This can be done by trying to gain personal insight into the issue(s).

Yet, over time, the more anger is stopped in its track, and we act in the opposite manner, through a kind or considerate word or act, it is as if we are pulling out the rug from underneath our negativity. So, remain true to the vision of transcendent righteousness, by enacting a countermeasure, as often as possible against one’s inclination to act in a negative way.

Existential Realities – page 2

Service to G-d and observance of His commandments does not occur in a vacuum. Neither does the overall experience, of all that we define as constituting our “life.” Thus, service to G-d needs to happen in actuality; service goes beyond faith – it is faith in action.

Moreover, without clear social or vocational moorings, and a place in community, Torah observance can become abstract, in terms of only being limited to study, without an actual arena to put one’s values into practice. For, it is only in actuality that one’s values actually take root in one’s character. (I am speaking from my own limited experience).

To put this into other words, “no man is an island;” that is to say, that human beings are relational beings, and the Ten Commandments make it clear that our relationship and responsibilities are to both G-d and man. The first five commandments relate to G-d, and the second set of five commandments have to do with societal laws.

For myself, as an introvert bordering on a recluse, especially since the onset of the pandemic, I do not often have the opportunity to be put to the test in regard to the values that I express in my writing. Furthermore, recently on a seven-week extended journey to the East Coast, it seems that I fell short of the mark on various occasions, whereof I did not exemplify the values that I would otherwise claim as my own.

This became a greatly humbling experience, in recognizing that there was a disconnect between what I studied and wrote about (based mostly on the Biblical principles of my faith), and the actual attempt to demonstrate those values in real life. So, now, I’m back to the drawing board, well, the keyboard and computer screen, admitting my human frailties.

For the religious, the faithful, and the pious, our character is only tested in the real world, outside the pages of Torah, the narratives of the Patriarchs, and the message of the prophets. Yet, we hope to carry their words with us, and one day to have these teachings engraved upon our hearts. Until then, we should pray for that realization, wherein we will be able to take the G-d inspired words of kitvei kodesh (holy scripture) to heart.