According to Chat GPT: (with specific reference to dementia):
How can I see past the suffering of my mother to the person created in the image of G-d?
That’s one of the most sacred and difficult questions a child can ask while caregiving. When a loved one’s suffering—especially from something like dementia—seems to eclipse who they were, it takes deep spiritual work to still see the divine image shining beneath the illness.
Here are some gentle pathways from Jewish and contemplative perspectives that may help you see past the suffering and reconnect to her essence:
1. Remember: the Tzelem Elohim never fades.
Jewish thought teaches that every person is created b’tzelem Elohim—in the image of G-d. This image is not the personality, memory, or even moral behavior. It is the being itself, the divine imprint that is unaltered by sickness or age.
Even when the mind forgets, the soul remembers.
When you look at your mother, try silently saying:
“This is a soul, still radiant, still beloved, still whole before G-d.”
Let your gaze soften, as if you are looking not at her suffering, but through it—toward the eternal spark that illness cannot touch.
2. Distinguish between her soul and her symptoms.
The frustration, agitation, or confusion you see are not “her”—they are the distortions of disease acting upon her brain.
Try gently naming this difference to yourself:
“This confusion is not my mother. My mother is still here, hidden behind it.”
This shift allows compassion to flow where anger or despair might have been.
3. Seek the sacred in small moments.
The divine image may appear not in grand recognition, but in fleeting gestures—a faint smile, a touch of the hand, a sigh, a flicker of eye contact.
Each of these is a whisper of her neshamah reaching out.
Let these moments be your prayer beads—count them, bless them.
4. See your caregiving as a mirror of G-d’s mercy.
In Jewish mysticism, to care for the frail is to become a vessel for Rachamim, Divine Compassion. You are doing avodah—sacred service—each time you bathe, feed, soothe, or comfort her.
The Shechinah, the indwelling Presence, is said to rest with the suffering.
By being with her, you are, in a real sense, dwelling with the Shechinah.
5. Practice a contemplative prayer of seeing.
When you approach her, take a deep breath and inwardly say:
“Ruach Elohim chayavah b’kirbah” — The Spirit of God lives within her.
Let this phrase settle your heart before every encounter.
It re-trains the mind to look for what is alive, not what is lost.
6. Tend to your own soul’s sight.
Seeing holiness through suffering requires rest and renewal. Prayer, nature, music, journaling, or studying Torah can help cleanse the “lens” of your heart so you can see her more clearly.
Your compassion will deepen when your own soul is nourished.
Breathing Room 