Existential Psychology – Breathing Room

Spiritual Dimension of the Psyche

Five thing essay: the spiritual dimension of the psyche

The pursuit of meaning in life requires the defining of existential goals for oneself. These may include whatever endeavors enrich one’s life, within the framework of meaningful tasks. Although the tasks themselves may not appear to be meaningful, they may lead to a greater good reward. So, consistency requires diligence and work.

The dominant mode of thought amongst those who seek self-improvement, especially in the area of mental health, as well as the overall zeitgeist is that the pursuit of homeostasis is essential to wholeness in one’s life. Yet, Frankl posits that the dynamic tension in life between oneself and one’s goals is key to a fulfilling life. Thus, he compares this concept to the need to strengthen an arch by placing one more stone into that structure, in order to fulfill its purpose. It is the tension of the stones against each other that braces the archway.

So, if we would like to walk through the doorway that leads toward a life of enrichment, then it is not about seeking whatever might relieve the tension in our lives. Rather, it is about focusing on the pursuit of meaningful goals, that will contribute to the overall richness of our life. This may entail a reorientation of one’s entire life, toward the finding out of what is most meaningful as a unique individual and seeking the fulfilment of that meaning.

The obstacles in the way of reaching a goal may be the enticement of our psyche by whatever would provide immediate gratification, relief from stress and pleasure, only providing a temporary diversion from our goals. Yet, the true way to freedom is through the transcendence of our struggles by continuing in meaningful tasks, experiences, and endeavors. Too much freedom in the sense of giving ourselves breaks from what is most important will detract from the gain that will result from responsibilities.

Therefore, it may help as a guideline, for anyone interested in pursuing a life of meaningful intent, to contrast the Freud’s “will to pleasure,” with Frankl’s “will to meaning.” It is necessary to differentiate between the pleasure-seeking principle that operates within a human being, from the noological or spiritual dimension within us that may only be gratified through meaningful endeavors and experiences. Both of these polarities exist within us; yet, it is recommended to not fall sway to the natural inclinations, rather to the aspects of ourselves that allow for the highest fulfillment of a human being, that of transcending the physical for a higher purpose.

Awe, Reverence & Solitude

Approaching life in a reverential manner requires a distance between the self and the sacred. It is also helpful to foster an inwardly silent mind; yet, in order to do so, great effort must be made to quiet the mind. Rather, we need to separate the essential jewels from the nonessential clutter of our minds. Only then, can we arrive at a place of stillness in the mind, wherein we can acknowledge the uniqueness of others and creation from an experiential standpoint of awe and reverence.

In solitude, or around others, an inner calmness may reside, within the sense of self, fostered, when connecting to the essential dimension of being human, that unique aloneness of our existence. This is not the normal state of mind that we are familiar with, unless we are able to become comfortable spending time alone, connecting to the stillness of our existence.

As human beings, our sense of “existential isolation” is minimized by our incessant activity in life, and preoccupations of the mind. We do not often leave ourselves much time to reflect upon ourselves, or the meaning of our lives, beyond our vocations. We busy ourselves with other things, than the inner dimension of the soul.

We are unique individuals on earth with a purpose for being here, above and beyond our everyday concerns. Moreover, our connection to G-d and the world around us is limited by our preoccupations with self. We enclose ourselves in our own personal spheres, surrounded by a bubble of protection from the other, the unknown, and anything that is outside our comfort zone.

Yet, the expansiveness felt by becoming absorbed in the beauty of a sunset, or the sky with its deep endless blue, is the type of awe that is available to us in regard to all of creation. We only need look beyond ourselves, while keeping our hearts pure. “Above all that thou guardest keep thy heart; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23, JPS 1917 Tanach).

Life’s Illusions

Have you ever had the feeling that “it’s later than it seems?” This feeling could manifest within the framework of your daily routine, yet, point toward something of greater significance. We tend to ignore, overlook, or distract ourselves from one of the fundamental givens of our existence: that our lives on earth are limited to a certain number of years. From the perspective of existential psychology, this existential given that everyone faces, causes us anxiety that manifest in indirect ways in our lives. Therefore, it is better to be brought out into the open, at some point, so that we can acknowledge what will eventually be brought to our awareness, sooner or later.

Yet, instead of acknowledging this reality, we might unconsciously try to avoid any reflection upon the brevity of our lives, by constantly distracting ourselves. In other words, by default, we face this particular existential given, by avoiding the recognition of our life on this earth as finite. Rather than think that we only have so many days to live in a way, pleasing to G-d, many of us live by always occupying our time with something to distract us from our own personal anxiety, fear, and uncertainty about the future, and the inevitability of death.

And, so, like water flowing where it will, or dandelion puffs blowing here and there, our natural inclinations lead us astray, acting against contemplation of the givens of our existence, and bringing us further away from the responsibility of actualizing an overall purpose in our lives, above and beyond the daily grind, and the seeking of pleasure, entertainment, and relaxation for its own sake.

Moreover, rebellion has become normative. Our flight from reality is sanctioned by the ongoing progressive cultural milieu of our times. For, if we do not even acknowledge the finiteness of our lives, then we may see ourselves within the framework of a delusion – that our lives are limitless, we can pursue whatever gives us satisfaction without any repercussions upon our conscience, especially if we are our own masters of conscience, and arbiters of truth.

As such, we disavow any claims made upon our lives by an authority higher than ourselves. Part of the tragedy stems from our views of authority from childhood, as influenced by the surrounding culture. Unless there is a tight-knit cohesion of the family unit, it is subject to decay, by way of outside influences. Its authority, in terms of positive parental influence is decreased in the minds of youth, who show signs of disrespect, and the parents themselves, who want to raise their children having a sense of freedom and autonomy they themselves value in their own lives. Yet, freedom must be balanced with responsibility, and autonomy must be weighed against the sovereignty of others.

There is a difference between dominion and domination. Mankind has been given dominion over the world, in order to serve as responsible stewards of the archetypal Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve lived in a Paradise, wherein a threefold harmony existed between themselves and G-d, with each other, and their environment. A fourth harmony was the inner sanctity within each of them as individuals.

This harmony was abandoned in favor of disobedience, the lure of becoming independent actors in a world created with a purpose and directive by the ultimate Director, whose script they chose to no longer follow. Instead, we establish ourselves as the highest authority, and end up dominating, instead of guiding the lives of others. Yet, G-d is compassionate; ever since the Fall, the expulsion from Paradise, G-d has been calling us back to him. He also took a measure of propriety to ensure that mankind would not have the leeway to continue outside of the initial plan – he limited the lifespan of mankind to 120 years maximum.

And, yet, we fill up our years, whether they be 70, 80 or more with material concerns (in Hebrew, gashmiyos), irrespective of the destiny of our souls. We attempt to dominate time, by making sure that we are always active, or always accomplishing something, yet, while concomitantly relinquishing our responsibility to use our time wisely. Rather, we need to redeem the time, by way of more meaningful pursuits in our lives.

Consider, that a conundrum exists between the focus on our physical existence, to the neglect of the soul. Our physical lives, in particular, the body, will eventually be subject to decay, while the soul is eternal. If our soul is eternal, then shouldn’t we begin to nourish what will last forever? We wouldn’t invest in a company that has a declining stock value. Yet, we continue to invest our lives with interests that are ephemeral. Moreover, whether you receive this or not at this time in your life, know that we are held accountable for the way we conduct ourselves in this life. The quality of our eternity depends upon how we lived our life.

Nobody wants to face death; we would rather enjoy our lives. Moreover, if this is all there is, irrespective of any kind of an afterlife, then most people who think this way, perhaps, would tend to live outside any sense of telos – an ultimate, purposeful goal beyond the ordinariness of our lives. And, yet, if we have not already considered what might be our ultimate purpose or individual mission in life, then the question may beg an answer, if only below the level of our awareness.

We distract ourselves from what is the most value in life. We are consumed with busyness – busy activity – even outside of our normative roles, tasks, and challenges for survival and to provide for others. However, of virtue, destiny and telos we remain ignorant, unconcerned, and even resentful toward any claim of an order that exists outside of our own individual kingdom where we seek to reign by giving into whatever we feel, think, or desire for ourselves. Thus, we do not even realize, that, in actuality, we our slaves to our desires.

Our lives have been stolen from us by the influence of therapeutic culture, an ever-pervasive “philosophy of life” that emphasizes our subjective pursuits for safety, freedom from suffering, and the lowest common denominator in terms of responsibilities – only to adhere to the path that will bring the most satisfaction. In doing so, we risk acknowledgment of the value and integrity of others. We honor ourselves more than others, and even worse, give no thought to honoring the Creator. Thus, the inherent danger in regard to G-d’s creatures – our fellow human beings – is to disregard their autonomy. Moreover, when we objectify others, we deny their dignity.

A repair of the human soul, a reordering of our values, and a reconstituting of a greater harmony going out beyond ourselves is in need. While we might remain faithful to the responsibilities of our lives, we have abandoned the yoke of Heaven. Yet, the path to harmony within and without begins with a first step, made in tandem with an answer to a higher calling. We may still have a chance to place our faith in someone other than ourselves before it is too late.

Redemptive Undertakings

The labyrinth of our lives has the potential to become so challenging to navigate, that we need to acknowledge that despite where we are in time, space, and the circumstances of our lives, we still may choose how to respond to any given situation or set of challenges. Additionally, I would contend that the circumstances of our lives are a reflection of our own perspective, attitudes, thoughts, speech, and actions, accumulated over time, and turned back upon us, so to speak, measure for measure.

We may not readily accept our circumstances as a product of our own existence over time on earth, and our interactions with self and others; yet, if we reflect in depth upon our existence, we may begin to see parallels, previously unnoticed, to the nature of our character, for example, how we treat others, is now how we are being treated. According to the will of the G-d, we reap what we sow. Middah k’neged middah – measure for mesure.

Otherwise, we may consider that the challenges, hurdles, and obstacles of our lives are placed there by a Benevolent G-d, Who ultimately has the best in mind for us, in regard to our personal and spiritual growth. Accordingly, one rule of thumb to adopt as a helpful reminder could be, that regardless of how we see ourselves having gotten into a certain “jam” in our lives, even if we are not to blame for having arrived there, we still can take responsibility for ourselves, in regard to how we respond. This is the juncture for spiritual growth, to make the right choice, by responding in a better manner than we might have in the past.

This ability to change over time, through opportunities that give us the chance to renew ourselves is key to character development. For, I am given this chance upon chance, everyday, for tikkun hanefesh (renewal of the soul) simply by the fact of my existence, granted to me each morning that I wake to a new day. The propensity each day to reclaim my past, and redeem the time is given to me by the Creator of all life. He is concerned for all of His creation, including myself, and every individual under the sun, even those who live without sunlight in the northern and southern hemisphere extremes, for part of the year.

Metaphorically, in our own lives there is light and darkness. Sometimes, we bring darkness into our lives through either inadvertent or (G-d forbid) intentional sins. Our sins will beget us, turning our lives into a reflection of negative versions of ourselves, that we are unable to defeat, unless we return to the origin of their development.

So, instead of fretting and running to a self-help book, we can examine our own conscience for the flaws that generate our negative perspective. Yet, our attitude is unlikely to shift on its own, through an act of will power. In most cases, our attitude is in place because of the underlying faults that taint our soul. Are we willing to do the work of self-transformation? This begins with awareness, and a deep reflection upon our individual existence.

Additionally, while our intuition is key to resolving challenges in our lives, and moving toward goals that we would like to establish for ourselves, how many of us realize the potential to receive our intuition from G-d? In fact, many of us may not already realize, that is precisely where our intuition may originate, when it is positive, helpful, and good for us and others.

Otherwise, if we attempt to attribute our intuition to ourselves, perhaps, we would have a difficult time finding the origin within us. This is seriously something to think about, as is the origin of our conscience. I imagine that many different views abound, as well as seemingly opposing viewpoints on the subject.

For myself, there is another inward revelation, scriptural in nature, that comes to mind, inasmuch that it’s written, that G-d implanted eternity within the hearts of mankind (Ecclesiastes). The nature of eternity is such that the place whereof we will spend eternity is based upon how we live our lives.

Yet, some would seek to subvert natural law, and attempt to have a continual existence via some other means, namely through A.I. Their aim is to bypass the divine route of perfecting ourselves, based upon the Great physician’s prescription for remedying our lives. Instead, they seek to download their “brain circuitry” via an artificial intelligence construction. This may sound like science fiction; however, it is the ultimate dream of many transhumanists.

Everyday, may those of us who are conscious of the irreplaceability of our souls, seek to employ the day well, for the sake of eternity, in acknowledgment that all G-d’s creation lead finite lives on earth; yet, man, embodied with a soul, has the potential to transcend this life through the path shown by His Maker. For G-d will judge us after we are resurrected according to His divine plan and grant us our due reward or condemnation. There is no cheating death, as the transhumanists envision for themselves. Rather, the sting of death has already been defeated through the righteousness of the Holy One, who offers us an eternal reward for our own righteousness.

Redemptive Journey

The Redemption of Circumstances:

The actuality of circumstances beyond our control begins with our birth. Although the birth of a new life being brought into the world is cause to celebrate, and truly a miracle, we learn later as individuals, that coping with the circumstances that we were born into is often challenging to some degree or another. Yet, to raise ourselves up from any negative results of our circumstances is the call of our soul to seek perfection throughout our lives.

Moreover, this is meritorious – to transcend negativity, and any less than ideal circumstances in our lives without complaining along the way, in recognition that this was how it was meant to be, ultimately, for our own benefit. Of course, this is all said in retrospect, looking back on my own life as an example, after I came to faith.

The nature of grumbling may lay in a root of bitterness in our lives, that will plague us, until we accept that we were placed in the types of situations in our lives from birth onward that would provide the nourishment for our soul to shine, after being refined by its trials and tribulations. This is what is called wrestling with our circumstances, akin to the essence of Jacob, who wrestled with G-d. If we have a belief in G-d, then we may attempt to work out our own reconciliation to our circumstances in life, by also “wrestling with G-d.”

There are at least three ways of responding to the negative in our lives. The first is to let the impact of circumstances that seem less than par for our development in life take their toll on us. The second is to meet the challenges that we are presented with in life, by viewing them as hurdles that will compel us to jump over them. The third is to do teshuvah (repentance) over our past, gradually beginning to understand how our trials and tribulations have gotten us to where we are in life, and attempting to make amends both to ourselves and others. Hence, the plethora of self-help books on the shelves of any bookstore, and the multitude of programs to change our lives for the better.

In reviewing the innate circumstances of our lives that we inherit at birth, and those presented to us along the way, the way, two general ways of understanding the initial influence upon our lives exists: nature and nurture. The nature versus nurture dilemma is currently recognized as a moot issue, because it is widely agreed upon that both nature and nurture influence who we are.

So, both the characteristics that we were born with, and the way that we were raised contribute to who we are today. Yet, the interplay of the two becomes even more complex along the road of life. In particular, our character can influence how we deal with the continual circumstances of our lives, that present themselves to us. To transcend the circumstances in our lives, character improvement may be sought in order to gain the upper hand on our maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Personally, from the point of view of my wayward soul, years ago, during my youth, I could not have imagined myself living the type of life that I am living now. Today, I repudiate what would be considered as inappropriate behavior in my past. Yet, on the other hand, perhaps, the best recourse is to accept the past as it was, and learn from my own mistakes.

However, wishing and dreaming that I might have grown up some other way is akin to rejecting the path that was chosen for me from the vantage point of Heaven. For, if I had been raised in a more strict and religious manner, what is to say that I would have remained on the path? Yet, having been raised in a household that emphasized Jewish traditions, without the explicit requirement of leading the moral life that the Torah prescribes, I eventually gravitated toward a more serious commitment to the walking the straight and narrow; although, only after virtually picking myself up by the bootstraps; yet, actually with G-d’s help.

Learning from my mistakes is only part of the normal proceedings of teshuvah (repentance), by reclaiming my past for the betterment of the future. It has taken some time for me to come terms with a the specific approach to my past that would be in alignment with my current goals and belief system. To glorify my past would be out of the question. Yet, to denigrate it would be akin to sweeping it clean of any redeeming value. So, I seek to reclaim my past, while rejecting the lack of values and moral bankruptcy that it represents.

Moreover, in dredging up various chapters of my past life, before I became ba’al teshuvah (literally, “master of return”), I run the risk of permitting its memory to lure me back into oblivion. Rather, I need to clearly note that I had been encapsulated with much of what is now forbidden to me, by my own new standards in life. And, if I ever have that wrong way feeling again – like I had on occasion, yet, did not heed – the next time, I pray that I will be granted strength to turn away, and steer myself toward Heaven. For by the light of stars, I will be guided onward unto eternity. G-d willing, I do not stumble along the way.

The Hebrew word, teshuvah literally means “to return,” as in a return to G-d. To provide a more detailed description of this concept, consider that teshuvah, rendered as “repentance,” implies much more. A complete return to G-d is more than confession and forgiveness for sin, so that a person can be reconciled to G-d. Teshuvah has to do with one’s general lifestyle, manner of conduct, and ay in the world. Although repenting of a transgression is considered teshuvah, if one does not return to that particular transgression, the word has a further connotation that has to do with the whole self. Thus, this involves a total reconciliation to G-d.

It is written in scripture, “raise up a child according to his way, and he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). I was raised, along with my brother and sister in a household that was ostensibly having to do with Conservative Judaism. Yet, the values of Torah that should be inculcated in Jewish youth, beginning at an early age were not definitively done so. I was not informed as to the ways of Torah. In stating this insight, I would like to acknowledge what values may have been implicit in the way I grew up, without having been explicitly stated. Yet, this is challenging to do upon immediate reflection. Moreover, having not been specifically inculcated in me, they were bound to be challenged along the way, beginning in my teenage years.

My wayward youth stands as a testimony that whatever values may have been unexpressed, yet, somehow communicated, did not make enough of an impression upon me, to deter me from following the normative ways of my peers in both elementary and high school. So, what guidelines did I have to steer myself in this world? How could I have navigated the typical currents associated with being teenager, through unchartered waters without a map?

A critical approach in how I was raised is not meant to place blame upon my parents. Especially in consideration of how they may have been raised, how can I fault them, as if they should have known better? Yet, Torah does speak of the conditioning that passed on from one generation to another in this way, “who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

In other words, if teshuvah is not done in one generation, the sins of the fathers will be passed down to the next generation by way of example. This is the nurture part of the nature versus nurture controversy in regard to the personality, behavior and character of an individual, otherwise know in psychological terms as “conditioning.”

So, it is incumbent upon the individual to break the chain of sinful behavior, and if not, that person is considered as guilty as his parents for wrongful conduct, because he did not make an effort to identify inappropriate behavior, and conduct his life in a manner in accord with G-d’s word.

In particular, if one has clearly learned that such and such is not permitted, and given the correct way to follow, as prescribed by G-d’s commandments, than there is no leeway for excuse. The only question is in regard to how to combat one’s prior conditioning. For example, if someone has learned through observation, by way of his or her nurturing, i.e., how one was brought up in childhood, what would serve as a catalyst for that individual to change his ways for the good?

Yet, the expectation placed upon human beings to right their ways, by learning from their own mistakes, as well as the previous generation is clear. And, there is even a promise given to those who succeed. “To one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of G-d” (Psalm 50:23).

essay camp prompt

My Story: Who am I?

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

My youth, upon reflection, must have been typical of any other, more or less, who was educated in a secular school system in America. In the 1980’s, the Beatles were still popular enough to become one’s entry point into Western music. As any other kid on the block, I had a collection of cassettes at the time, that included the Beatles, as well as a growing number of other musicians and bands, that was later replaced with a record collection, and, eventually, c.d.’s.

I also had my favorite books, especially in high school, when I read the Hobbit, and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Additionally, I had my most viewed television programs, that kept me preoccupied, even in high school (when I should have been learning more), inasmuch that I had my own television, as did my siblings. This latter modern phenomenon is something that always bothered me in later years, when I reflected upon the tragedy.

Dare I use such a significant word? Yes, because this pertains to the tragedy of an overemphasis on individuation and subjectivity, to the point of isolation and alienation, as a result of a lack of genuine communication amongst family members, a common set of clearly defined values, and the sense of liberal views pertaining to the raising of children. I think that the common myth went and still may go something like this: our children should be free to learn, choose, and decide for themselves what to believe in, engage their time with, and find out what makes them happy in life.

On the surface, this combination of tolerance, permissiveness, and lack of engagement with child-rearing sounds great to the modern mind; yet, in retrospect, at least for myself, I can earnestly say that it was and is a formula for disaster in various ways, inclusive of too much freedom, not enough direction, and no clear guide to developing an inner moral compass.

To begin with, from the point of view of existential psychology, one of the four existential givens is significantly at play here: the continuum between freedom and responsibility. Without a sense of direction, freedom can be overwhelming, and provide too large of an area to explore, without the acknowledgment of boundaries and limitations.

Yet, society promotes this exploration, even moreso today, within the framework of progressive ideology; moreover, it seems to be a liberal standard to let one’s children find their own way in life, with all of its ups and downs, wrong roads and detours, in hopes that eventually they will be able to find the path that they as individuals are meant to be on, for the sake of their own personal happiness in life.

However, over forty years later, whereas now I feel that I am finally on the right path, I realize that according to the standards that I have accepted for myself in life, namely those proffered by the Bible, nowhere in scripture is it written, “And you shall be happy.” Meaning to say, happiness is not the most important factor of life. Moreover, the commandments given by G-d at Mount Sinai are meant to provide a moral compass in order to steer one’s life in the right direction.

Furthermore, these commandments were given to us for our own good, by a loving Father who would like to spare us from making the wrong choices in life. Even so, please, keep in mind, that He did give all of humankind free will. As is conveyed so aptly, “See, I give you life, and I give you death… choose life” (Deuteronomy 30:19). It is as if He gives us all of the right answers on the test of life, as well as the wrong answers, and encourages to answer correctly.