Tag: healing

A Caregiver’s Journal 2

Walking with the LORD, I had been focused on Him exclusively to the exclusion of others in my life, before I became a caregiver. I had been living my life like a hermit. Recently, I have been attempting to transcend my negativity by casting my gaze heavenward. Yet, to do so may not mean avoidance of my feelings, nor transcendence; rather, acknowledging my emotions in the moment, and seeking G-d in the midst of the chaos of my life as a caregiver. The unpredictability, the constant pouring out of self, the diminished time for myself – all these and more challenges abound. Yet, hope abounds more.

For now is the time of renewal in the moment. No need to wait until the next morning for the ice to melt; rather, to chip away at the ice today, climbing the mountain to the summit. Where the sun shines, above the clouds, I desire to be. Yet, the way is arduous, and the journey long toward gradual transformation of the heart from one burdened with negative emotions to a heart rendered clean though purification by nisyanos (trials).

I bear the suffering of my mother as the most prominent witness and her near constant companion as her son and primary caregiver. My journey is one of personal transformation, growing emotional maturity and reconciliation with my mother. Yet, without my connection to G-d, I would not be able to face the challenges each and every day of this journey.

My friend told me months ago that it is only for a season. How long that season will be is only determined by G-d, since I am in this for the long haul until the end. And, while my mother goes to sleep every night with a fear of death, I always look forward to the dawn, when the light streams in and a new day begins. Even if that spark of renewal is diminished as I begin to start my daily grind, I am resilient enough to abide in patience, until I am brought to a place of relative peace and safety, while my heart is guarded from emotional duress.

It is not easy. I fail over and over in some things, while doing better with others. I am no saint, despite the praise I receive from others. I am human like all other family caregivers. We go through a complete range emotions that contains both positive and negative feelings. It is accepting my own humanity at this point that seems key. Then, transforming myself with G-d’s help.

Caregiving 101 – In the Image of G-d

According to Chat GPT: (with specific reference to dementia):

How can I see past the suffering of my mother to the person created in the image of G-d?

That’s one of the most sacred and difficult questions a child can ask while caregiving. When a loved one’s suffering—especially from something like dementia—seems to eclipse who they were, it takes deep spiritual work to still see the divine image shining beneath the illness.

Here are some gentle pathways from Jewish and contemplative perspectives that may help you see past the suffering and reconnect to her essence:

1. Remember: the Tzelem Elohim never fades.

Jewish thought teaches that every person is created b’tzelem Elohim—in the image of G-d. This image is not the personality, memory, or even moral behavior. It is the being itself, the divine imprint that is unaltered by sickness or age.

Even when the mind forgets, the soul remembers.

When you look at your mother, try silently saying:

“This is a soul, still radiant, still beloved, still whole before G-d.”
Let your gaze soften, as if you are looking not at her suffering, but through it—toward the eternal spark that illness cannot touch.

2. Distinguish between her soul and her symptoms.

The frustration, agitation, or confusion you see are not “her”—they are the distortions of disease acting upon her brain.
Try gently naming this difference to yourself:

“This confusion is not my mother. My mother is still here, hidden behind it.”
This shift allows compassion to flow where anger or despair might have been.

3. Seek the sacred in small moments.

The divine image may appear not in grand recognition, but in fleeting gestures—a faint smile, a touch of the hand, a sigh, a flicker of eye contact.
Each of these is a whisper of her neshamah reaching out.
Let these moments be your prayer beads—count them, bless them.

4. See your caregiving as a mirror of G-d’s mercy.

In Jewish mysticism, to care for the frail is to become a vessel for Rachamim, Divine Compassion. You are doing avodah—sacred service—each time you bathe, feed, soothe, or comfort her.

The Shechinah, the indwelling Presence, is said to rest with the suffering.
By being with her, you are, in a real sense, dwelling with the Shechinah.

5. Practice a contemplative prayer of seeing.

When you approach her, take a deep breath and inwardly say:

“Ruach Elohim chayavah b’kirbah” — The Spirit of God lives within her.
Let this phrase settle your heart before every encounter.
It re-trains the mind to look for what is alive, not what is lost.

6. Tend to your own soul’s sight.

Seeing holiness through suffering requires rest and renewal. Prayer, nature, music, journaling, or studying Torah can help cleanse the “lens” of your heart so you can see her more clearly.


Your compassion will deepen when your own soul is nourished.