journey – Breathing Room

Scriptural Origins of Free Will

Existential Psychology from a Religious Perspective:

Freedom and Responsibility

Mankind was given free will, as denoted by the two inclinations symbolized by the doubling of the Hebrew letter “yud,” in the word yetzer, when used to describe the creation of man (Genesis 2:7). Notably, the word, yetzer, when used to describe the creation of animals, only uses one “yud,” because animals only have one inclination, i.e., their “instinctual drive.” (Genesis 2:19). Yet, mankind has both a good inclination and an evil inclination.

Additionally, there are consequences for the choices we make in life: “I have set before thee life and death, the blessing and the curse; therefore choose life, that thou mayest live” (Deuteronomy 30:19, JPS). If we follow our good inclination, by focusing on H’Shem, and performing the mitzvot, we will receive blessings in our lives. Conversely, if we permit our evil inclination to get the better of us, the consequences are described as curses.

We need to establish our proper conduct in this world. We are commanded “to love the L-RD thy G-d, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments” (Deuteronomy 30:16, JPS). This includes making rational decisions for ourselves in accordance with G-d’s will. We also need to accept responsibility for the choices we make; if we err, there will be negative consequences.

Doing good starts with awareness of the struggle between the yetzer tov (good inclination) and the yetzer hara (evil inclination). H’Shem encourages to choose the good by way of His promptings. We may do so by attempting to reign over the emotions and desires of our heart, that could otherwise lead us astray. Our rational mind needs to be set above this struggle, in order to make the right decision in any given moment. Sifting through our subjective experience, we need to sort out right from wrong. We need G-d’s directive in order to do so.

So, how can we maintain our values, in the face of opposition from our inclination to remain free of responsibilities, throwing caution to the wind, and giving in to our desires of the heart?

We need to have a strong sense of self-esteem, rooted in our identity and religious belief. Otherwise, we may be inclined to look elsewhere for inspiration, and wind up disregarding the practical application of the commandments in our lives. We also need to nurture our belief and practice, and strengthen ourselves through routine and community, as well as a dependence on G-d in all things.

Additionally, we need to guard ourselves against low self-esteem, because it can give way to self-doubt. Ultimately, the nature of our worth does not rest upon our estimation of ourselves; rather, who we are in G-d’s eyes. If we seek to please Him, by following His will, then it is inconsequential when others view us disparagingly. Our sense of self should not be based upon other’s perceptions.

Each and every individual person is actually on their own unique path. Even like-minded people following the same path, have to walk that path alone, regardless of who is accompanying them. We each are accountable for our own lives, and responsible for the ways that we follow.

No one else can live our life for us. We must be content with who we are; and, if not, we should endeavor to excel in improving ourselves: “and to him that ordereth his way aright will I show the salvation of G-d” (Psalm 50:23, JPS). So, let us strive to overcome our lesser inclinations, for the sake of our greater good.

Life’s Illusions

Have you ever had the feeling that “it’s later than it seems?” This feeling could manifest within the framework of your daily routine, yet, point toward something of greater significance. We tend to ignore, overlook, or distract ourselves from one of the fundamental givens of our existence: that our lives on earth are limited to a certain number of years. From the perspective of existential psychology, this existential given that everyone faces, causes us anxiety that manifest in indirect ways in our lives. Therefore, it is better to be brought out into the open, at some point, so that we can acknowledge what will eventually be brought to our awareness, sooner or later.

Yet, instead of acknowledging this reality, we might unconsciously try to avoid any reflection upon the brevity of our lives, by constantly distracting ourselves. In other words, by default, we face this particular existential given, by avoiding the recognition of our life on this earth as finite. Rather than think that we only have so many days to live in a way, pleasing to G-d, many of us live by always occupying our time with something to distract us from our own personal anxiety, fear, and uncertainty about the future, and the inevitability of death.

And, so, like water flowing where it will, or dandelion puffs blowing here and there, our natural inclinations lead us astray, acting against contemplation of the givens of our existence, and bringing us further away from the responsibility of actualizing an overall purpose in our lives, above and beyond the daily grind, and the seeking of pleasure, entertainment, and relaxation for its own sake.

Moreover, rebellion has become normative. Our flight from reality is sanctioned by the ongoing progressive cultural milieu of our times. For, if we do not even acknowledge the finiteness of our lives, then we may see ourselves within the framework of a delusion – that our lives are limitless, we can pursue whatever gives us satisfaction without any repercussions upon our conscience, especially if we are our own masters of conscience, and arbiters of truth.

As such, we disavow any claims made upon our lives by an authority higher than ourselves. Part of the tragedy stems from our views of authority from childhood, as influenced by the surrounding culture. Unless there is a tight-knit cohesion of the family unit, it is subject to decay, by way of outside influences. Its authority, in terms of positive parental influence is decreased in the minds of youth, who show signs of disrespect, and the parents themselves, who want to raise their children having a sense of freedom and autonomy they themselves value in their own lives. Yet, freedom must be balanced with responsibility, and autonomy must be weighed against the sovereignty of others.

There is a difference between dominion and domination. Mankind has been given dominion over the world, in order to serve as responsible stewards of the archetypal Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve lived in a Paradise, wherein a threefold harmony existed between themselves and G-d, with each other, and their environment. A fourth harmony was the inner sanctity within each of them as individuals.

This harmony was abandoned in favor of disobedience, the lure of becoming independent actors in a world created with a purpose and directive by the ultimate Director, whose script they chose to no longer follow. Instead, we establish ourselves as the highest authority, and end up dominating, instead of guiding the lives of others. Yet, G-d is compassionate; ever since the Fall, the expulsion from Paradise, G-d has been calling us back to him. He also took a measure of propriety to ensure that mankind would not have the leeway to continue outside of the initial plan – he limited the lifespan of mankind to 120 years maximum.

And, yet, we fill up our years, whether they be 70, 80 or more with material concerns (in Hebrew, gashmiyos), irrespective of the destiny of our souls. We attempt to dominate time, by making sure that we are always active, or always accomplishing something, yet, while concomitantly relinquishing our responsibility to use our time wisely. Rather, we need to redeem the time, by way of more meaningful pursuits in our lives.

Consider, that a conundrum exists between the focus on our physical existence, to the neglect of the soul. Our physical lives, in particular, the body, will eventually be subject to decay, while the soul is eternal. If our soul is eternal, then shouldn’t we begin to nourish what will last forever? We wouldn’t invest in a company that has a declining stock value. Yet, we continue to invest our lives with interests that are ephemeral. Moreover, whether you receive this or not at this time in your life, know that we are held accountable for the way we conduct ourselves in this life. The quality of our eternity depends upon how we lived our life.

Nobody wants to face death; we would rather enjoy our lives. Moreover, if this is all there is, irrespective of any kind of an afterlife, then most people who think this way, perhaps, would tend to live outside any sense of telos – an ultimate, purposeful goal beyond the ordinariness of our lives. And, yet, if we have not already considered what might be our ultimate purpose or individual mission in life, then the question may beg an answer, if only below the level of our awareness.

We distract ourselves from what is the most value in life. We are consumed with busyness – busy activity – even outside of our normative roles, tasks, and challenges for survival and to provide for others. However, of virtue, destiny and telos we remain ignorant, unconcerned, and even resentful toward any claim of an order that exists outside of our own individual kingdom where we seek to reign by giving into whatever we feel, think, or desire for ourselves. Thus, we do not even realize, that, in actuality, we our slaves to our desires.

Our lives have been stolen from us by the influence of therapeutic culture, an ever-pervasive “philosophy of life” that emphasizes our subjective pursuits for safety, freedom from suffering, and the lowest common denominator in terms of responsibilities – only to adhere to the path that will bring the most satisfaction. In doing so, we risk acknowledgment of the value and integrity of others. We honor ourselves more than others, and even worse, give no thought to honoring the Creator. Thus, the inherent danger in regard to G-d’s creatures – our fellow human beings – is to disregard their autonomy. Moreover, when we objectify others, we deny their dignity.

A repair of the human soul, a reordering of our values, and a reconstituting of a greater harmony going out beyond ourselves is in need. While we might remain faithful to the responsibilities of our lives, we have abandoned the yoke of Heaven. Yet, the path to harmony within and without begins with a first step, made in tandem with an answer to a higher calling. We may still have a chance to place our faith in someone other than ourselves before it is too late.

Redemptive Journey

The Redemption of Circumstances:

The actuality of circumstances beyond our control begins with our birth. Although the birth of a new life being brought into the world is cause to celebrate, and truly a miracle, we learn later as individuals, that coping with the circumstances that we were born into is often challenging to some degree or another. Yet, to raise ourselves up from any negative results of our circumstances is the call of our soul to seek perfection throughout our lives.

Moreover, this is meritorious – to transcend negativity, and any less than ideal circumstances in our lives without complaining along the way, in recognition that this was how it was meant to be, ultimately, for our own benefit. Of course, this is all said in retrospect, looking back on my own life as an example, after I came to faith.

The nature of grumbling may lay in a root of bitterness in our lives, that will plague us, until we accept that we were placed in the types of situations in our lives from birth onward that would provide the nourishment for our soul to shine, after being refined by its trials and tribulations. This is what is called wrestling with our circumstances, akin to the essence of Jacob, who wrestled with G-d. If we have a belief in G-d, then we may attempt to work out our own reconciliation to our circumstances in life, by also “wrestling with G-d.”

There are at least three ways of responding to the negative in our lives. The first is to let the impact of circumstances that seem less than par for our development in life take their toll on us. The second is to meet the challenges that we are presented with in life, by viewing them as hurdles that will compel us to jump over them. The third is to do teshuvah (repentance) over our past, gradually beginning to understand how our trials and tribulations have gotten us to where we are in life, and attempting to make amends both to ourselves and others. Hence, the plethora of self-help books on the shelves of any bookstore, and the multitude of programs to change our lives for the better.

In reviewing the innate circumstances of our lives that we inherit at birth, and those presented to us along the way, the way, two general ways of understanding the initial influence upon our lives exists: nature and nurture. The nature versus nurture dilemma is currently recognized as a moot issue, because it is widely agreed upon that both nature and nurture influence who we are.

So, both the characteristics that we were born with, and the way that we were raised contribute to who we are today. Yet, the interplay of the two becomes even more complex along the road of life. In particular, our character can influence how we deal with the continual circumstances of our lives, that present themselves to us. To transcend the circumstances in our lives, character improvement may be sought in order to gain the upper hand on our maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Personally, from the point of view of my wayward soul, years ago, during my youth, I could not have imagined myself living the type of life that I am living now. Today, I repudiate what would be considered as inappropriate behavior in my past. Yet, on the other hand, perhaps, the best recourse is to accept the past as it was, and learn from my own mistakes.

However, wishing and dreaming that I might have grown up some other way is akin to rejecting the path that was chosen for me from the vantage point of Heaven. For, if I had been raised in a more strict and religious manner, what is to say that I would have remained on the path? Yet, having been raised in a household that emphasized Jewish traditions, without the explicit requirement of leading the moral life that the Torah prescribes, I eventually gravitated toward a more serious commitment to the walking the straight and narrow; although, only after virtually picking myself up by the bootstraps; yet, actually with G-d’s help.

Learning from my mistakes is only part of the normal proceedings of teshuvah (repentance), by reclaiming my past for the betterment of the future. It has taken some time for me to come terms with a the specific approach to my past that would be in alignment with my current goals and belief system. To glorify my past would be out of the question. Yet, to denigrate it would be akin to sweeping it clean of any redeeming value. So, I seek to reclaim my past, while rejecting the lack of values and moral bankruptcy that it represents.

Moreover, in dredging up various chapters of my past life, before I became ba’al teshuvah (literally, “master of return”), I run the risk of permitting its memory to lure me back into oblivion. Rather, I need to clearly note that I had been encapsulated with much of what is now forbidden to me, by my own new standards in life. And, if I ever have that wrong way feeling again – like I had on occasion, yet, did not heed – the next time, I pray that I will be granted strength to turn away, and steer myself toward Heaven. For by the light of stars, I will be guided onward unto eternity. G-d willing, I do not stumble along the way.

The Hebrew word, teshuvah literally means “to return,” as in a return to G-d. To provide a more detailed description of this concept, consider that teshuvah, rendered as “repentance,” implies much more. A complete return to G-d is more than confession and forgiveness for sin, so that a person can be reconciled to G-d. Teshuvah has to do with one’s general lifestyle, manner of conduct, and ay in the world. Although repenting of a transgression is considered teshuvah, if one does not return to that particular transgression, the word has a further connotation that has to do with the whole self. Thus, this involves a total reconciliation to G-d.

It is written in scripture, “raise up a child according to his way, and he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). I was raised, along with my brother and sister in a household that was ostensibly having to do with Conservative Judaism. Yet, the values of Torah that should be inculcated in Jewish youth, beginning at an early age were not definitively done so. I was not informed as to the ways of Torah. In stating this insight, I would like to acknowledge what values may have been implicit in the way I grew up, without having been explicitly stated. Yet, this is challenging to do upon immediate reflection. Moreover, having not been specifically inculcated in me, they were bound to be challenged along the way, beginning in my teenage years.

My wayward youth stands as a testimony that whatever values may have been unexpressed, yet, somehow communicated, did not make enough of an impression upon me, to deter me from following the normative ways of my peers in both elementary and high school. So, what guidelines did I have to steer myself in this world? How could I have navigated the typical currents associated with being teenager, through unchartered waters without a map?

A critical approach in how I was raised is not meant to place blame upon my parents. Especially in consideration of how they may have been raised, how can I fault them, as if they should have known better? Yet, Torah does speak of the conditioning that passed on from one generation to another in this way, “who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

In other words, if teshuvah is not done in one generation, the sins of the fathers will be passed down to the next generation by way of example. This is the nurture part of the nature versus nurture controversy in regard to the personality, behavior and character of an individual, otherwise know in psychological terms as “conditioning.”

So, it is incumbent upon the individual to break the chain of sinful behavior, and if not, that person is considered as guilty as his parents for wrongful conduct, because he did not make an effort to identify inappropriate behavior, and conduct his life in a manner in accord with G-d’s word.

In particular, if one has clearly learned that such and such is not permitted, and given the correct way to follow, as prescribed by G-d’s commandments, than there is no leeway for excuse. The only question is in regard to how to combat one’s prior conditioning. For example, if someone has learned through observation, by way of his or her nurturing, i.e., how one was brought up in childhood, what would serve as a catalyst for that individual to change his ways for the good?

Yet, the expectation placed upon human beings to right their ways, by learning from their own mistakes, as well as the previous generation is clear. And, there is even a promise given to those who succeed. “To one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of G-d” (Psalm 50:23).

essay camp prompt

Existential Realities – page 1

“G-d speaks in different ways, and we don’t always recognize his voice. Sometimes in the night, he uses terrifying dreams, to give us warning. G-d does this to make us turn from sin and pride and protect us from being swept away to the world of the dead.” – Job 33:14-18, CEV

One seemingly unbearable consequence of isolation is its potential to reveal hidden truths about oneself. Thus, on the eve of my tenth day of quarantine for Covid, last November, I entered a state of “existential dread.” I was faced with all of the unpleasant things about myself that would surface on occasion in my life, and then submerge below my conscious awareness again.

There was no respite, until a divine intervention brought about relief around 3:00 a.m. that morning. Yet, the issue at a hand was not the stark realities that each of those unresolved issues portended; rather, what those concerns pointed toward, namely, a feeling of meaningless in my life, despite my faith, that almost always serves as a buttress between a positive outlook and encroaching negativity.

It was as if a sense of meaningless permeated my entire being, while consolation in my religious belief and practice seemed to be in limbo at that time. Within the framework of existential psychology, “meaninglessness” is one of the four universal issues that people face in their lives to a greater or lesser degree. Yet, as I mentioned, meaninglessness is usually buffered by my faith.

I believe that meaning and purpose in life is derived from the Biblical creation narrative, regarding the dual role of mankind in regard to Gan Eden, “to work it and guard it.” Upon a closer reading of the original Hebrew, the injunction may be rendered as “to serve and to observe;” in other words, to serve G-d, and observe His commandments.

To this day, I still accept this injunction as axiomatic to my faith, as well as a universal given, noting the authority of the Bible. This has always been enough for me, ever since I became observant, within the context of my belief and practice: yet, an individual purpose in life, one that is uniquely my own, must be drawn out from this dual raison d’etre. Perhaps, the sum total of everyday tasks that constitute its fulfillment is not enough to substantiate that reason. There must be a more in-depth inculcation of this reason for being.

The issue hand, revealed to me by the emptiness of that night was the following: gnawing questions of my life in comparison to others, whose lives are successful by modern or worldly standards, stood out in stark relief, against my own, even though I had always dismissed the comparisons. Yet, this time I could not deny how I felt – bereft of a trajectory.

Even so, my sense of relief arrived before dawn, when I was shown that correspondence with others about these issues would somehow bring me renewal. At that point, a wave of peace swept over me. Now, it is up to me to set aside the rumination of these concerns, and simply follow the prescriptive remedy given to me from a divine source.

Challenges Along the Way – Part 2

Years ago, as a seeker, I renewed my high school interest in Eastern Religion. This led me to books, such as Sidhartha, and the Dhammapada. I also read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, and a smorgasbord of others, inclusive of Zen Buddhism and neo-shamanism.

Yet, I only briefly mentioned my New Age past in a blogpost at Words Give Life, within the context of how I transcended that phase of my life. I transitioned to the Judaism of my upbringing through a book on Jewish mysticism by Gershom Sholem, called Trends in Jewish Mysticism; within its pages, I read about all of the concepts that I was familiar with from my eastern religious exploration, yet, in terms of Jewish belief and practice.

The Jewish version reached into my soul, and permeated my understanding even moreso than the eastern religious precepts. Rather than view these Jewish teachings as one more set of truths under the sun, I reclaimed them as my own. After all, even in partaking of an actual smorgasbord of food at a dinner party, restaurant or reception, one has to make a selection.

Interestingly enough, the Dalai Lama advocated in one of his book’s to follow one path; for himself, he was not concerned with pointing out that one path to others, rather, simply that instead of following many roads at once, within a syncretic blend of religion and spirituality, he was saying chose one, for the sake of integrity and a comprehensive understanding from a particular framework.

This is akin to an adage spoken by a great karate sensei, who recently passed away, “you can be a jack-of-all-trades or a master of one.” Some people in the martial arts cross train; however, to gain the skills learned from one martial art is to slowly acquire a more comprehensive understanding.

Perhaps, in religion it is the same; and, so that claim would discount the perennial philosophy and reductionism of any syncretic religious mish-mash of belief and practice, such as is proffered by the New Age Movement: to mix and match, according to one’s own particular practice that is individually formed and suited according to a subjective leaning toward whatever one is drawn.

For myself, this had only left me feeling incomplete, as well as, in retrospect, unable to transcend my own limited and disparate views. True religion has an objective quality that acknowledges a higher power, i.e., G-d above the individual, yet, also capable of being present with the individual. The confusion of the new age movement is to identify self with G-d, a concept that is untenable if exposed to rational critique. When I wear my yarmulke (small religious hat) on my head every day, this serves in part as a reminder of humility toward G-d Who is above me.

He is both transcendent as well as immanent according to the philosophy of Judaism. Yet, within the New Age Movement G-d is primarily viewed as immanent, which, theologically, tends to leave New Agers in a state of vacuous moral predicament, if there is not absolute divine authority to look toward for guidance, and a set of values delineating right from wrong. Of course, I should speak for myself, noting that I was not informed by the various beliefs and practices I had obtained, of any strong moral principles; although, I now follow a traditional religious path with a clear moral framework. With that said, I hope that I have not offended anyone; my aim is to educate, raise awareness, and share my own personal story if I can be of any avail to others.

Challenges Along the Way

How far has my belief and practice taken me already; and, what additions or modifications do I need to make, in order to gain a more effectual understanding of myself in relationship to G-d and His commandments? I am asking these questions of myself: however, you may also ask yourself these questions or some variation thereof. It is not uncommon to be concerned with applying a gauge to one’s spiritual practice, or religious path along the way; in fact, it is recommended.

For myself, there is both a spiritual as well as a religious component to my path. Unless both the spiritual aspects and the religious structure, each somehow will reach down into the core of my being and continue to permeate my life in a beneficial way, then I would need to step back and make an assessment of my efforts. Perseverance is key; and I recognize that sometimes the path can seem more barren than other times. Yet, this is also to be expected.

In the past few days, I have been exploring the concept of acedia, invariably described as listlessness, boredom, and sloth, to name a few of its “characteristics.” In reading about acedia, it seems that much of what I am experiencing has already been framed in words that explain the malady so much better than I ever could. Moreover, one of the remedies is summed up in one word: “perseverance.”

Within the early years of the monastic tradition, whereof acedia is referred to as a spiritual plague of sorts, the monks were mostly confined to their cells, except for communal prayer and meals. Manual labor had not yet been introduced into the daily regimen. Acedia would plague the soul of the monk, making confinement to one’s cell during the day almost unbearable; so, they were always admonished not to leave their cell, except, for communal activities.

I imagine that within the monastic tradition, a monk leaving his cell, would be akin to going off the derech (path), G-d forbid, within the framework of Judaism. I realize that this is a rough comparison; however, the basic risk is letting go of one’s focus on G-d, in pursuit of other cisterns – sources of pleasure, entertainment, or intellectual curiosity. Rather, it is a narrow road to Olam Haba (the World to Come), where eternity awaits the faithful.

Partake of the Blessings

“So shall they put My name upon the children of Israel, and I will bless them. – Numbers 6:27, JPS 1917 Tanach

The kohanim served as conduits, inasmuch that the actual blessing flowed from G-d through them, unto the recipients of that blessing, the congregation of Israel. Into their lives, this blessing extended, guaranteed through G-d’s benevolence, and maintenance, so to speak, of that blessing, for only He has the wherewithal to carry out the effectual materialization of that blessing. Whereas man is limited, G-d is unlimited in regard to what He is able to accomplish for us in this world and the next. Where in your life does G-d’s blessing prevail? Where in your life is G-d’s blessings needed most?

Soul Journey

“‘Clear ye in the wilderness the way of the L-RD.”

– Isaiah 40:3, JPS 1985 Tanach

Our ways must approach the ways of G-d. If we are intent on acknowledging that “His ways are higher than our ways” (Isaiah 55:9), then we should feel inclined to make an effort in our lives to “make straight the way of the L-rd.” What would this look like for you in your life? What are the steppingstones required to reach the goals that you might envision for yourself? If we conform to the image of G-d, based upon His expectations of us, and the hope that He will mold us, then we are on our way, and He will “pave the way into eternity.”

“This world is like a vestibule before the world to come; prepare yourself in the vestibule, so that you may enter the banqueting-hall.”

– Pirkei Avot 4:16, sefaria.org