The Redemption of Circumstances:
The actuality of circumstances beyond our control begins with our birth. Although the birth of a new life being brought into the world is cause to celebrate, and truly a miracle, we learn later as individuals, that coping with the circumstances that we were born into is often challenging to some degree or another. Yet, to raise ourselves up from any negative results of our circumstances is the call of our soul to seek perfection throughout our lives.
Moreover, this is meritorious – to transcend negativity, and any less than ideal circumstances in our lives without complaining along the way, in recognition that this was how it was meant to be, ultimately, for our own benefit. Of course, this is all said in retrospect, looking back on my own life as an example, after I came to faith.
The nature of grumbling may lay in a root of bitterness in our lives, that will plague us, until we accept that we were placed in the types of situations in our lives from birth onward that would provide the nourishment for our soul to shine, after being refined by its trials and tribulations. This is what is called wrestling with our circumstances, akin to the essence of Jacob, who wrestled with G-d. If we have a belief in G-d, then we may attempt to work out our own reconciliation to our circumstances in life, by also “wrestling with G-d.”
There are at least three ways of responding to the negative in our lives. The first is to let the impact of circumstances that seem less than par for our development in life take their toll on us. The second is to meet the challenges that we are presented with in life, by viewing them as hurdles that will compel us to jump over them. The third is to do teshuvah (repentance) over our past, gradually beginning to understand how our trials and tribulations have gotten us to where we are in life, and attempting to make amends both to ourselves and others. Hence, the plethora of self-help books on the shelves of any bookstore, and the multitude of programs to change our lives for the better.
In reviewing the innate circumstances of our lives that we inherit at birth, and those presented to us along the way, the way, two general ways of understanding the initial influence upon our lives exists: nature and nurture. The nature versus nurture dilemma is currently recognized as a moot issue, because it is widely agreed upon that both nature and nurture influence who we are.
So, both the characteristics that we were born with, and the way that we were raised contribute to who we are today. Yet, the interplay of the two becomes even more complex along the road of life. In particular, our character can influence how we deal with the continual circumstances of our lives, that present themselves to us. To transcend the circumstances in our lives, character improvement may be sought in order to gain the upper hand on our maladaptive coping mechanisms.
Personally, from the point of view of my wayward soul, years ago, during my youth, I could not have imagined myself living the type of life that I am living now. Today, I repudiate what would be considered as inappropriate behavior in my past. Yet, on the other hand, perhaps, the best recourse is to accept the past as it was, and learn from my own mistakes.
However, wishing and dreaming that I might have grown up some other way is akin to rejecting the path that was chosen for me from the vantage point of Heaven. For, if I had been raised in a more strict and religious manner, what is to say that I would have remained on the path? Yet, having been raised in a household that emphasized Jewish traditions, without the explicit requirement of leading the moral life that the Torah prescribes, I eventually gravitated toward a more serious commitment to the walking the straight and narrow; although, only after virtually picking myself up by the bootstraps; yet, actually with G-d’s help.
Learning from my mistakes is only part of the normal proceedings of teshuvah (repentance), by reclaiming my past for the betterment of the future. It has taken some time for me to come terms with a the specific approach to my past that would be in alignment with my current goals and belief system. To glorify my past would be out of the question. Yet, to denigrate it would be akin to sweeping it clean of any redeeming value. So, I seek to reclaim my past, while rejecting the lack of values and moral bankruptcy that it represents.
Moreover, in dredging up various chapters of my past life, before I became ba’al teshuvah (literally, “master of return”), I run the risk of permitting its memory to lure me back into oblivion. Rather, I need to clearly note that I had been encapsulated with much of what is now forbidden to me, by my own new standards in life. And, if I ever have that wrong way feeling again – like I had on occasion, yet, did not heed – the next time, I pray that I will be granted strength to turn away, and steer myself toward Heaven. For by the light of stars, I will be guided onward unto eternity. G-d willing, I do not stumble along the way.
The Hebrew word, teshuvah literally means “to return,” as in a return to G-d. To provide a more detailed description of this concept, consider that teshuvah, rendered as “repentance,” implies much more. A complete return to G-d is more than confession and forgiveness for sin, so that a person can be reconciled to G-d. Teshuvah has to do with one’s general lifestyle, manner of conduct, and ay in the world. Although repenting of a transgression is considered teshuvah, if one does not return to that particular transgression, the word has a further connotation that has to do with the whole self. Thus, this involves a total reconciliation to G-d.
It is written in scripture, “raise up a child according to his way, and he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). I was raised, along with my brother and sister in a household that was ostensibly having to do with Conservative Judaism. Yet, the values of Torah that should be inculcated in Jewish youth, beginning at an early age were not definitively done so. I was not informed as to the ways of Torah. In stating this insight, I would like to acknowledge what values may have been implicit in the way I grew up, without having been explicitly stated. Yet, this is challenging to do upon immediate reflection. Moreover, having not been specifically inculcated in me, they were bound to be challenged along the way, beginning in my teenage years.
My wayward youth stands as a testimony that whatever values may have been unexpressed, yet, somehow communicated, did not make enough of an impression upon me, to deter me from following the normative ways of my peers in both elementary and high school. So, what guidelines did I have to steer myself in this world? How could I have navigated the typical currents associated with being teenager, through unchartered waters without a map?
A critical approach in how I was raised is not meant to place blame upon my parents. Especially in consideration of how they may have been raised, how can I fault them, as if they should have known better? Yet, Torah does speak of the conditioning that passed on from one generation to another in this way, “who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”
In other words, if teshuvah is not done in one generation, the sins of the fathers will be passed down to the next generation by way of example. This is the nurture part of the nature versus nurture controversy in regard to the personality, behavior and character of an individual, otherwise know in psychological terms as “conditioning.”
So, it is incumbent upon the individual to break the chain of sinful behavior, and if not, that person is considered as guilty as his parents for wrongful conduct, because he did not make an effort to identify inappropriate behavior, and conduct his life in a manner in accord with G-d’s word.
In particular, if one has clearly learned that such and such is not permitted, and given the correct way to follow, as prescribed by G-d’s commandments, than there is no leeway for excuse. The only question is in regard to how to combat one’s prior conditioning. For example, if someone has learned through observation, by way of his or her nurturing, i.e., how one was brought up in childhood, what would serve as a catalyst for that individual to change his ways for the good?
Yet, the expectation placed upon human beings to right their ways, by learning from their own mistakes, as well as the previous generation is clear. And, there is even a promise given to those who succeed. “To one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of G-d” (Psalm 50:23).
essay camp prompt
Breathing Room 