religion – Breathing Room

Caregiving 101 – In the Image of G-d

According to Chat GPT: (with specific reference to dementia):

How can I see past the suffering of my mother to the person created in the image of G-d?

That’s one of the most sacred and difficult questions a child can ask while caregiving. When a loved one’s suffering—especially from something like dementia—seems to eclipse who they were, it takes deep spiritual work to still see the divine image shining beneath the illness.

Here are some gentle pathways from Jewish and contemplative perspectives that may help you see past the suffering and reconnect to her essence:

**1. Remember: the Tzelem Elohim never fades.**

Jewish thought teaches that every person is created b’tzelem Elohim—in the image of G-d. This image is not the personality, memory, or even moral behavior. It is the being itself, the divine imprint that is unaltered by sickness or age.

Even when the mind forgets, the soul remembers.

When you look at your mother, try silently saying:

“This is a soul, still radiant, still beloved, still whole before G-d.”
Let your gaze soften, as if you are looking not at her suffering, but through it—toward the eternal spark that illness cannot touch.

2. Distinguish between her soul and her symptoms.

The frustration, agitation, or confusion you see are not “her”—they are the distortions of disease acting upon her brain.
Try gently naming this difference to yourself:

“This confusion is not my mother. My mother is still here, hidden behind it.”
This shift allows compassion to flow where anger or despair might have been.

3. Seek the sacred in small moments.

The divine image may appear not in grand recognition, but in fleeting gestures—a faint smile, a touch of the hand, a sigh, a flicker of eye contact.
Each of these is a whisper of her neshamah reaching out.
Let these moments be your prayer beads—count them, bless them.

4. See your caregiving as a mirror of G-d’s mercy.

In Jewish mysticism, to care for the frail is to become a vessel for Rachamim, Divine Compassion. You are doing avodah—sacred service—each time you bathe, feed, soothe, or comfort her.

The Shechinah, the indwelling Presence, is said to rest with the suffering.
By being with her, you are, in a real sense, dwelling with the Shechinah.

5. Practice a contemplative prayer of seeing.

When you approach her, take a deep breath and inwardly say:

“Ruach Elohim chayavah b’kirbah” — The Spirit of God lives within her.
Let this phrase settle your heart before every encounter.
It re-trains the mind to look for what is alive, not what is lost.

6. Tend to your own soul’s sight.

Seeing holiness through suffering requires rest and renewal. Prayer, nature, music, journaling, or studying Torah can help cleanse the “lens” of your heart so you can see her more clearly.

Your compassion will deepen when your own soul is nourished.

Spiritual Dimension of the Psyche

Five thing essay: the spiritual dimension of the psyche

The pursuit of meaning in life requires the defining of existential goals for oneself. These may include whatever endeavors enrich one’s life, within the framework of meaningful tasks. Although the tasks themselves may not appear to be meaningful, they may lead to a greater good reward. So, consistency requires diligence and work.

The dominant mode of thought amongst those who seek self-improvement, especially in the area of mental health, as well as the overall zeitgeist is that the pursuit of homeostasis is essential to wholeness in one’s life. Yet, Frankl posits that the dynamic tension in life between oneself and one’s goals is key to a fulfilling life. Thus, he compares this concept to the need to strengthen an arch by placing one more stone into that structure, in order to fulfill its purpose. It is the tension of the stones against each other that braces the archway.

So, if we would like to walk through the doorway that leads toward a life of enrichment, then it is not about seeking whatever might relieve the tension in our lives. Rather, it is about focusing on the pursuit of meaningful goals, that will contribute to the overall richness of our life. This may entail a reorientation of one’s entire life, toward the finding out of what is most meaningful as a unique individual and seeking the fulfilment of that meaning.

The obstacles in the way of reaching a goal may be the enticement of our psyche by whatever would provide immediate gratification, relief from stress and pleasure, only providing a temporary diversion from our goals. Yet, the true way to freedom is through the transcendence of our struggles by continuing in meaningful tasks, experiences, and endeavors. Too much freedom in the sense of giving ourselves breaks from what is most important will detract from the gain that will result from responsibilities.

Therefore, it may help as a guideline, for anyone interested in pursuing a life of meaningful intent, to contrast the Freud’s “will to pleasure,” with Frankl’s “will to meaning.” It is necessary to differentiate between the pleasure-seeking principle that operates within a human being, from the noological or spiritual dimension within us that may only be gratified through meaningful endeavors and experiences. Both of these polarities exist within us; yet, it is recommended to not fall sway to the natural inclinations, rather to the aspects of ourselves that allow for the highest fulfillment of a human being, that of transcending the physical for a higher purpose.

Separation of Light & Darkness

From the beginning of the creation of the world, G-d used His discernment, to separate the light from the darkness. This separation is a phenomenon that we may observe every day at dusk and dawn. The transition at twilight into nighttime, and at sunrise into daytime.

The Targum Neofiti emphasizes that G-d separated by word between light and darkness. We take the separation of light and darkness as a natural occurrence that seems effortless on the part of what most human beings refer to as nature.

Since there was no Biblical Hebrew word for nature, modern Hebrew uses the word Teva. The point that I would like to make is that the initial separation was not effortless, nor a natural phenomenon; rather, it was a principle of separation built into the fabric of Creation.

According to Rashi, because the light was good, it was not appropriate “that light and darkness should function together in a confused manner” (commentary on Genesis 1:4, sefaria.org). A parallel can be drawn to moral sphere, wherein the same rule may apply.

This tenet would caution us against the mixture of light and dark in our thinking, and how we approach the challenges in life; it may help decrease the confusion prevalent in society today. The current chaos of the world derives from the admixture of good and evil that permeates society. It is fueled by the flames of bitterness, animosity, and hostility.

Yet, the line of good and evil runs through the heart of every human (Solzhenitysn). This must be acknowledged by all decent people with a conscience in order to maintain a balanced perspective. The designation of people groups leads to an us and them mentality, as if the moral integrity of the in-group compels them to be sinless in their own eyes.

On the contrary, we must examine ourselves, all the moreso, in order to better challenge evil. In a world where the difference between good and evil is blurred we need the discernment that is able to separate light from darkness. “The words You inscribed give light” (Ps. 119:130, JPSN).

Furthermore, to attempt to justify evil by placing it within a context that is itself deceptive is a disavowal of the existence of objective good and evil. We approach the dystopic inverse mentioned by the prophet, wherein “good is called evil and evil is called good, darkness is changed into light and light is changed into darkness” (Isaiah 5:20).

Yet, the original light of Creation, created before the sun, stars, and moon were created was set aside for the righteous in the Messianic Era. This is G-d’s promise of utopia on earth, when Moshiach will reign from Jerusalem. No utopia that man attempts to create can deter the divine plan.

Shifting Values

The psychical structure known as the superego, within a Freudian context, represented the inculcation of values from society, that served to moderate the inappropriate impulses that originated in the Id. The ego is the mediating factor, between an individual’s impulses and the constraints learned from societal norms.

Freud lived in Austria during the first half of the 19th century when the norms of society were based upon a stringent level of morality and etiquette. So, the concept of the superego was dependent upon a set of moral norms that would serve to rebuff the unruly impulses an raw emotions of the Id. In other words, the strength of the superego was context-dependent upon the moral vigor of society.

However, the established norms of one society, and time period give way to the diminished values of another society and time period. Therefore, the influence of norms of the superego are dependent upon the shifting sands of the moral values of society.

If there is no stable set of norms in society, then the superego has nothing constancy to counteract the feelings, desires, and impulses of the Id. The more society devolves, the more the Id has influence over a person, if the cultural norms are accepted.

So, it is clear that the superego must be nourished by means other than going along with the zeitgeist, if indeed the current milieu of culture has gone astray. These are challenging times, whereof the lines are being drawn between those who seek righteousness, and those who abandon caution to the wind. Yet, true freedom is when we don’t let our Id rule our ego.

Therefore, we need something more substantial to nourish the superego of the psyche. In consideration of the superego’s strength, it can also be dependent on the values of one’s parents and community. Realistically speaking, it is our own personal obligation to boost the strength of the superego.

If as individuals, an appropriate value system can be developed, based upon moral philosophy, ethics, or religious principles, this will be the decisive factor in the battle for maintaining one’s moral character in the face of the onslaught of pseudo-values being proffered in the wake of the zeitgeist.

We are not meant to be subservient to the Id, representative of base desires and impulses that must be transformed into appropriate channels of expression. Rather, G-d has given mankind a conscience, that permits us to decide upon what is to be rejected, and what is to accepted, in regard to our inner being (Isaiah 7:15). Thus, the conscience is linked to the concept of the superego.

Our free will combines with the conscience, and the superego, creating a powerhouse, with the ability to choose right from wrong. This is the domain of the ego (as a psychical structure), to mediate between the inner conflicts within the psyche, and make decisions in accordance with reality.

We are not to be reduced to deterministic beings; rather, we have been given a soul, with the inunction to choose between good and evil. As is written, “see I have set before thee this day, life and good, and death and evil” (Deuteronomy 30:15).

The problem is that within the framework of the current cultural shift, that began decades, if not centuries ago, the demarcation between good and evil is being blurred. “Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter” (Isaiah 5:20).

Awe, Reverence & Solitude

Approaching life in a reverential manner requires a distance between the self and the sacred. It is also helpful to foster an inwardly silent mind; yet, in order to do so, great effort must be made to quiet the mind. Rather, we need to separate the essential jewels from the nonessential clutter of our minds. Only then, can we arrive at a place of stillness in the mind, wherein we can acknowledge the uniqueness of others and creation from an experiential standpoint of awe and reverence.

In solitude, or around others, an inner calmness may reside, within the sense of self, fostered, when connecting to the essential dimension of being human, that unique aloneness of our existence. This is not the normal state of mind that we are familiar with, unless we are able to become comfortable spending time alone, connecting to the stillness of our existence.

As human beings, our sense of “existential isolation” is minimized by our incessant activity in life, and preoccupations of the mind. We do not often leave ourselves much time to reflect upon ourselves, or the meaning of our lives, beyond our vocations. We busy ourselves with other things, than the inner dimension of the soul.

We are unique individuals on earth with a purpose for being here, above and beyond our everyday concerns. Moreover, our connection to G-d and the world around us is limited by our preoccupations with self. We enclose ourselves in our own personal spheres, surrounded by a bubble of protection from the other, the unknown, and anything that is outside our comfort zone.

Yet, the expansiveness felt by becoming absorbed in the beauty of a sunset, or the sky with its deep endless blue, is the type of awe that is available to us in regard to all of creation. We only need look beyond ourselves, while keeping our hearts pure. “Above all that thou guardest keep thy heart; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23, JPS 1917 Tanach).

Redemptive Journey

The Redemption of Circumstances:

The actuality of circumstances beyond our control begins with our birth. Although the birth of a new life being brought into the world is cause to celebrate, and truly a miracle, we learn later as individuals, that coping with the circumstances that we were born into is often challenging to some degree or another. Yet, to raise ourselves up from any negative results of our circumstances is the call of our soul to seek perfection throughout our lives.

Moreover, this is meritorious – to transcend negativity, and any less than ideal circumstances in our lives without complaining along the way, in recognition that this was how it was meant to be, ultimately, for our own benefit. Of course, this is all said in retrospect, looking back on my own life as an example, after I came to faith.

The nature of grumbling may lay in a root of bitterness in our lives, that will plague us, until we accept that we were placed in the types of situations in our lives from birth onward that would provide the nourishment for our soul to shine, after being refined by its trials and tribulations. This is what is called wrestling with our circumstances, akin to the essence of Jacob, who wrestled with G-d. If we have a belief in G-d, then we may attempt to work out our own reconciliation to our circumstances in life, by also “wrestling with G-d.”

There are at least three ways of responding to the negative in our lives. The first is to let the impact of circumstances that seem less than par for our development in life take their toll on us. The second is to meet the challenges that we are presented with in life, by viewing them as hurdles that will compel us to jump over them. The third is to do teshuvah (repentance) over our past, gradually beginning to understand how our trials and tribulations have gotten us to where we are in life, and attempting to make amends both to ourselves and others. Hence, the plethora of self-help books on the shelves of any bookstore, and the multitude of programs to change our lives for the better.

In reviewing the innate circumstances of our lives that we inherit at birth, and those presented to us along the way, the way, two general ways of understanding the initial influence upon our lives exists: nature and nurture. The nature versus nurture dilemma is currently recognized as a moot issue, because it is widely agreed upon that both nature and nurture influence who we are.

So, both the characteristics that we were born with, and the way that we were raised contribute to who we are today. Yet, the interplay of the two becomes even more complex along the road of life. In particular, our character can influence how we deal with the continual circumstances of our lives, that present themselves to us. To transcend the circumstances in our lives, character improvement may be sought in order to gain the upper hand on our maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Personally, from the point of view of my wayward soul, years ago, during my youth, I could not have imagined myself living the type of life that I am living now. Today, I repudiate what would be considered as inappropriate behavior in my past. Yet, on the other hand, perhaps, the best recourse is to accept the past as it was, and learn from my own mistakes.

However, wishing and dreaming that I might have grown up some other way is akin to rejecting the path that was chosen for me from the vantage point of Heaven. For, if I had been raised in a more strict and religious manner, what is to say that I would have remained on the path? Yet, having been raised in a household that emphasized Jewish traditions, without the explicit requirement of leading the moral life that the Torah prescribes, I eventually gravitated toward a more serious commitment to the walking the straight and narrow; although, only after virtually picking myself up by the bootstraps; yet, actually with G-d’s help.

Learning from my mistakes is only part of the normal proceedings of teshuvah (repentance), by reclaiming my past for the betterment of the future. It has taken some time for me to come terms with a the specific approach to my past that would be in alignment with my current goals and belief system. To glorify my past would be out of the question. Yet, to denigrate it would be akin to sweeping it clean of any redeeming value. So, I seek to reclaim my past, while rejecting the lack of values and moral bankruptcy that it represents.

Moreover, in dredging up various chapters of my past life, before I became ba’al teshuvah (literally, “master of return”), I run the risk of permitting its memory to lure me back into oblivion. Rather, I need to clearly note that I had been encapsulated with much of what is now forbidden to me, by my own new standards in life. And, if I ever have that wrong way feeling again – like I had on occasion, yet, did not heed – the next time, I pray that I will be granted strength to turn away, and steer myself toward Heaven. For by the light of stars, I will be guided onward unto eternity. G-d willing, I do not stumble along the way.

The Hebrew word, teshuvah literally means “to return,” as in a return to G-d. To provide a more detailed description of this concept, consider that teshuvah, rendered as “repentance,” implies much more. A complete return to G-d is more than confession and forgiveness for sin, so that a person can be reconciled to G-d. Teshuvah has to do with one’s general lifestyle, manner of conduct, and ay in the world. Although repenting of a transgression is considered teshuvah, if one does not return to that particular transgression, the word has a further connotation that has to do with the whole self. Thus, this involves a total reconciliation to G-d.

It is written in scripture, “raise up a child according to his way, and he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). I was raised, along with my brother and sister in a household that was ostensibly having to do with Conservative Judaism. Yet, the values of Torah that should be inculcated in Jewish youth, beginning at an early age were not definitively done so. I was not informed as to the ways of Torah. In stating this insight, I would like to acknowledge what values may have been implicit in the way I grew up, without having been explicitly stated. Yet, this is challenging to do upon immediate reflection. Moreover, having not been specifically inculcated in me, they were bound to be challenged along the way, beginning in my teenage years.

My wayward youth stands as a testimony that whatever values may have been unexpressed, yet, somehow communicated, did not make enough of an impression upon me, to deter me from following the normative ways of my peers in both elementary and high school. So, what guidelines did I have to steer myself in this world? How could I have navigated the typical currents associated with being teenager, through unchartered waters without a map?

A critical approach in how I was raised is not meant to place blame upon my parents. Especially in consideration of how they may have been raised, how can I fault them, as if they should have known better? Yet, Torah does speak of the conditioning that passed on from one generation to another in this way, “who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

In other words, if teshuvah is not done in one generation, the sins of the fathers will be passed down to the next generation by way of example. This is the nurture part of the nature versus nurture controversy in regard to the personality, behavior and character of an individual, otherwise know in psychological terms as “conditioning.”

So, it is incumbent upon the individual to break the chain of sinful behavior, and if not, that person is considered as guilty as his parents for wrongful conduct, because he did not make an effort to identify inappropriate behavior, and conduct his life in a manner in accord with G-d’s word.

In particular, if one has clearly learned that such and such is not permitted, and given the correct way to follow, as prescribed by G-d’s commandments, than there is no leeway for excuse. The only question is in regard to how to combat one’s prior conditioning. For example, if someone has learned through observation, by way of his or her nurturing, i.e., how one was brought up in childhood, what would serve as a catalyst for that individual to change his ways for the good?

Yet, the expectation placed upon human beings to right their ways, by learning from their own mistakes, as well as the previous generation is clear. And, there is even a promise given to those who succeed. “To one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of G-d” (Psalm 50:23).

essay camp prompt

Spiritual Malaise

The Greater Crisis of Spiritual Malaise

The insistence of the people to build a golden calf led to idolatry, inclusive of the revelry that accompanied that idolatrous form of worship; yet, the greater crisis was the spiritual malaise that brought on the unrest in the first place; it is this underlying cause that may serve as an entry point for our understanding. Moreover, we should be able to relate more to the spiritual malaise, than the actual act of idolatry. For, rarely does the general population of Westerners worship actual idols, except within the New Age Movement, as well as certain Eastern religious traditions tailored towards the Western Mind.

Yet, G-d would like us to discern what is within our hearts. Whether or not we keep the L-RD in mind throughout the day is of great significance to our walk with the Him. Yet, if we grow restless and impatient like the Children of Israel, in their expectation of Moses to return from his forty-day retreat on Sinai, then we may seek other means of assuring ourselves that we have some kind of connection to the divine. This is the beginning of spiritual malaise, a turning away from our belief in G-d.

As a result of this recognition, we should examine our own conscience in order to determine whatever obstacles we may have placed between us and G-d. These obstacles, whether abstract ideas, or something more concrete like money, sports, or a favorite sitcom may inadvertently serve us as modern day idols, capable of preventing us from fully focusing on G-d.

At Sinai, when Moses did not immediately return from atop the mountain on the fortieth day, as the people had calculated, they began to panic as a result of their growing impatience and insecurity. Without Moses, they grew distressed, because he was not only their leader, he was also their intermediary between themselves and G-d. So, they sought to replace him with a new intermediary, a golden calf that served as a tangible representation of G-d. As much as Moses represented G-d, and spoke on His behalf, the people now demanded a “god” as a concrete form to better fixate their minds upon, even though they had already been given the commandment, not to make any images.

In our own lives, we need to lift ourselves up above the fascination of this world, inclusive of all its glamour, and the sparkle in front of our eyes that we gravitate towards, instead of seeking G-d within our hearts. We would do well to spend more quiet time, disengaged from the screen, as well as other electronic devices, in order to disconnect from externals, and reconnect with our main Power Source. The Creator of all that we might hold in esteem, should be given more reverence than manmade technological wonders.

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Existential Isolation: Transforming the Soul

Exploring the Ground of Being and G-d Awareness

A sense of groundlessness can lead to either despair, or the existential discovery of G-d. Unless addressed in the ensuing days, weeks and months, despair will always appear as a factor to be rendered with, by alleviating the isolation with a continuous search for the author of our being.

Existential psychology, in and of itself, does not recognize divine authorship of the human being; and, therefore it fails in two concerns. Not to recognize G-d as a source of hope, strength and comfort; and, secondly, neglecting the soul’s divine blueprint, with a G-d given purpose in life stamped on the essence of each individual.

This leaves a person grappling with self-identity, self-expression, and freedom without the inherent obligations commended by G-d’s word. Thus, the freedom without responsibilities acknowledged from a transcendent source, can potentially render the soul groundless, time and time again, until that sense of groundlessness is sublimated by the psyche, and filled up with the distractions in life that keep our minds distant from a higher purpose.

What is the answer? Existential psychology would both applause and critique this freedom as the opportunity to be our own authors in life; yet, while potentially becoming overwhelmed with the possibilities, especially without a sense of moral ground. (The truth is that we are not free, because of our sin nature; however, I will leave that to another time for further exploration.).

Society is being drawn toward the illusion of freedom today, with the resultant option that arises by default, namely, a pervasive nihilism whether implicit or explicit in the lives of people, who are inclined to gravitate more toward materialism than a sense of inner purpose and transcendent values.

Perhaps, it is simply when the groundlessness of our lives becomes apparent at a time of some existential crisis, that we are brought face to face with either G-d or ourselves. And, I would presume to think that it is only human nature to vacillate between the two. I am speaking of my own experience, as well as an intuition intermingled with various sources that address this fundamental truth of our existence; for instance, theology, philosophy, psychology and specific scriptural passages from the Bible.

For myself, this relatively new awareness of the groundlessness of my life has become a kind of fertile void, wherein I am able to explore more freely than in the past. Furthermore, I have gone into the depths of my own heart, and the heights of connecting to G-d through prayer, while also plummeting the wisdom of kitvei kodesh (holy scripture).

For the most part, there is a distinct blend of subjectivity with objectivity in what I am writing, as an exposition on my initial thoughts, based upon the beginning of my exploration of this condition, that needs to be named, defined, and brought out in relief by the findings of others who preceded me in their exploration, and surpass me in wisdom.

Thus, I make no pretense of knowing anything, except the experience of being that has not left me since its initial inception in my own life, when I was brought to a place of existential isolation on my last night of quarantine, after contracting Omicron, in November of 2022. It would certainly be interesting to know, if anyone else has had a similar experience, and found it to be life-changing event. (please, feel free to comment if you have).

Shalom aleichem (Peace unto you).