scripture – Breathing Room

Seeking More than What Is

God is a very present help, when we recall Him to mind: shiveesee HaShem l’negdi tamid (I am ever mindful of the LORD’s presence). Without doing so, we are taking Him for granted, as if He is somehow present with us, despite our actual awareness of that presence, and that He is sanctioning everything that we are saying and doing, as long as it seems to be within our own set standards for ourselves. Yet, this is an egotistical stance, based upon pride. Rather, it is written, “Do not lean on your own understanding.” And, “seek the LORD’s presence,” for without it we are very limited in our capacity to cope with all the complexities in life.

As a family caregiver, my limitations have been apparent from the start. Yet, I have been learning from experience. Caring for a loved one often involves obstacles that are placed in the way of the care that we are attempting to give. Moreover, the acts of care may be received without gratitude, or sometimes rejected forthright. At times, flexibility allows for the care act to be accomplished at another time within the framework of its necessary time window. The point being that all genuine acts of giving can be counted as chesed shel emes, a true kindness regardless of how well it is received or not. So, whether appreciated or not, received or not received, the effort is not in vain. Even if it is met with harsh words, it still counts as a mitzvah (good deed). Because a true act of kindness is one that does not bring anything in return to the giver.

When needs are met, regardless of how they are received there is a sense of satisfaction on my part, and ultimately a sense of acceptance on my mother’s part after the fact. That is the fleeting moment of reciprocity that occurs on occasion, as well as when she is calm enough to hold hands with me. Sometimes, I do so, before she goes to sleep and when she is still sleeping in the morning. It is a sign of presence, simply focusing on “being there” for her, while setting aside all of the other tasks and unresolved issues. Then, there is the existential need to also be present for myself:

When that space opens up inside of me, emptied out of everything else, it is a still quiet place, yet, it is empty. Perhaps, most people do not even find this place within oneself, because we are too caught up in externals. For myself, I experienced this briefly when in a support group I decided not to talk about anything going on in my personal caregiver world; rather, I intended to focus on myself. At that point, I realized, that my “self” seemed vulnerable, and as if I never entered that part of me or forgot it entirely. This ties into the phenomenon, known amongst caregivers, as losing oneself in the midst of a role that demands full attention to another person, the caregiver’s “loved one,” in this case, my elderly mother who has vascular dementia and CHF.

What is this place within me? The Fertile Void. Like “the open moment,” it is a place of potential for something meaningful to occur. When I empty myself of preconceptions, as a caregiver I can slow down my pace and focus more on presence. In that moment of simply being present with my mother, aware of her presence, her breathe, an being it becomes a sacred moment. I can set my tasks aside while being present for my mother. And even though this should not be as challenging as I would think because I have task paralysis anyway, it is still challenging not to fall back into active mode while quietly spending time with my mother. In truth, it is only the major unresolved tasks, where I am hesitant before proceeding, and those can be set aside as well as the smaller day to day tasks. Each day brings its own requirements, and space and room to breathe is always a welcome moment away at any time during the day.

Awe, Reverence & Solitude

Approaching life in a reverential manner requires a distance between the self and the sacred. It is also helpful to foster an inwardly silent mind; yet, in order to do so, great effort must be made to quiet the mind. Rather, we need to separate the essential jewels from the nonessential clutter of our minds. Only then, can we arrive at a place of stillness in the mind, wherein we can acknowledge the uniqueness of others and creation from an experiential standpoint of awe and reverence.

In solitude, or around others, an inner calmness may reside, within the sense of self, fostered, when connecting to the essential dimension of being human, that unique aloneness of our existence. This is not the normal state of mind that we are familiar with, unless we are able to become comfortable spending time alone, connecting to the stillness of our existence.

As human beings, our sense of “existential isolation” is minimized by our incessant activity in life, and preoccupations of the mind. We do not often leave ourselves much time to reflect upon ourselves, or the meaning of our lives, beyond our vocations. We busy ourselves with other things, than the inner dimension of the soul.

We are unique individuals on earth with a purpose for being here, above and beyond our everyday concerns. Moreover, our connection to G-d and the world around us is limited by our preoccupations with self. We enclose ourselves in our own personal spheres, surrounded by a bubble of protection from the other, the unknown, and anything that is outside our comfort zone.

Yet, the expansiveness felt by becoming absorbed in the beauty of a sunset, or the sky with its deep endless blue, is the type of awe that is available to us in regard to all of creation. We only need look beyond ourselves, while keeping our hearts pure. “Above all that thou guardest keep thy heart; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23, JPS 1917 Tanach).

Scriptural Origins of Free Will

Existential Psychology from a Religious Perspective:

Freedom and Responsibility

Mankind was given free will, as denoted by the two inclinations symbolized by the doubling of the Hebrew letter “yud,” in the word yetzer, when used to describe the creation of man (Genesis 2:7). Notably, the word, yetzer, when used to describe the creation of animals, only uses one “yud,” because animals only have one inclination, i.e., their “instinctual drive.” (Genesis 2:19). Yet, mankind has both a good inclination and an evil inclination.

Additionally, there are consequences for the choices we make in life: “I have set before thee life and death, the blessing and the curse; therefore choose life, that thou mayest live” (Deuteronomy 30:19, JPS). If we follow our good inclination, by focusing on H’Shem, and performing the mitzvot, we will receive blessings in our lives. Conversely, if we permit our evil inclination to get the better of us, the consequences are described as curses.

We need to establish our proper conduct in this world. We are commanded “to love the L-RD thy G-d, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments” (Deuteronomy 30:16, JPS). This includes making rational decisions for ourselves in accordance with G-d’s will. We also need to accept responsibility for the choices we make; if we err, there will be negative consequences.

Doing good starts with awareness of the struggle between the yetzer tov (good inclination) and the yetzer hara (evil inclination). H’Shem encourages to choose the good by way of His promptings. We may do so by attempting to reign over the emotions and desires of our heart, that could otherwise lead us astray. Our rational mind needs to be set above this struggle, in order to make the right decision in any given moment. Sifting through our subjective experience, we need to sort out right from wrong. We need G-d’s directive in order to do so.

So, how can we maintain our values, in the face of opposition from our inclination to remain free of responsibilities, throwing caution to the wind, and giving in to our desires of the heart?

We need to have a strong sense of self-esteem, rooted in our identity and religious belief. Otherwise, we may be inclined to look elsewhere for inspiration, and wind up disregarding the practical application of the commandments in our lives. We also need to nurture our belief and practice, and strengthen ourselves through routine and community, as well as a dependence on G-d in all things.

Additionally, we need to guard ourselves against low self-esteem, because it can give way to self-doubt. Ultimately, the nature of our worth does not rest upon our estimation of ourselves; rather, who we are in G-d’s eyes. If we seek to please Him, by following His will, then it is inconsequential when others view us disparagingly. Our sense of self should not be based upon other’s perceptions.

Each and every individual person is actually on their own unique path. Even like-minded people following the same path, have to walk that path alone, regardless of who is accompanying them. We each are accountable for our own lives, and responsible for the ways that we follow.

No one else can live our life for us. We must be content with who we are; and, if not, we should endeavor to excel in improving ourselves: “and to him that ordereth his way aright will I show the salvation of G-d” (Psalm 50:23, JPS). So, let us strive to overcome our lesser inclinations, for the sake of our greater good.

The Essence of Beauty

“Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you a holy day, a sabbath of solemn rest to H’Shem.” – Exodus 35:2, JPS 1917 Tanach

Before giving the commandment to the Children of Israel, concerning the terumah (offerings) that are to be brought (silver, gold, and various materials for the building of the Mishkan, a free will offering from the heart of each and every individual), the L-RD instructs Moshe to remind the B’nei Yisrael about Shabbat.

The juxtaposition of the commandment to observe Shabbos, with the commandment, concerning the construction of the Mishkan is significant. As holy as the project of the Mishkan is, the building of the Mishkan does not supersede the sanctity (holiness) of Shabbos; therefore, even work on the Mishkan was prohibited on the Sabbath.

Additionally, the Shabbos points toward acknowledgment of the L-RD, Who created the world in six days, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore, belief in the L-RD is primary; and, perhaps, by implication, an imperative that can help us more fully appreciate the Day of Rest.

This is akin to the first commandment encompassing the belief in L-RD as a prerequisite to receive the commandments as divinely inspired. That is the essence of what is truly necessary: first, a belief in the existence of G-d; then, a desire to draw near to Him through our avodah (service).

Our primary avodah (service) today is the prayer of the heart. We can quietly connect to G-d, even within the depths of our heart, alone, or even in the company of others, with our own personal silent words, a private communique to G-d. If you have not placed your trust in a transcendent G-d, who sits in Seventh Heaven, yet, can still hear our whispered prayers, then, perhaps, if you feel inspired, you may call out to him. He is a great listener, and Counselor.

The Sabbath is a testament to G-d, Who created the heavens and the earth. Consider that without acknowledging Him as Creator, there are only a few possibilities in rendering the phenomenon of Creation itself as an actual reality that came into being at a specific point in time (the Big Bang Theory acknowledges that the Universe had a beginning). So, existentially, if you consider your existence, and everything around you, consider that we are not the result of random fluctuations in the Universe, or random mutations of DNA.

How is it possible to know this? Through your own individual experience of the world. As is written, “When I consider Thy heavens, the work of Thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained…” (Psalm 8:3) “The heavens declare the glory of G-d; and the firmament sheweth His handywork” (Psalm 19:1). “His invisible attributes—His eternal power and His divine nature—have been clearly seen ever since the creation of the world, being understood through the things that have been made” (Romans 1:20, TLV).

If re recognize “the natural world,” only as “nature,” then we are missing out on connecting to the true essence of nature as G-d’s Creation. Just as He created the world, His Spiritual Presence still upholds the world. He is the Beauty within a sunset, the glorious colors that paint the clouds at sunrise, and the Majesty of the mountains. Everything points toward Him, if we only look upon the world with the eyes of understanding, granted to our intellect when we place our faith in Him.

My Story: Who am I?

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

My youth, upon reflection, must have been typical of any other, more or less, who was educated in a secular school system in America. In the 1980’s, the Beatles were still popular enough to become one’s entry point into Western music. As any other kid on the block, I had a collection of cassettes at the time, that included the Beatles, as well as a growing number of other musicians and bands, that was later replaced with a record collection, and, eventually, c.d.’s.

I also had my favorite books, especially in high school, when I read the Hobbit, and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Additionally, I had my most viewed television programs, that kept me preoccupied, even in high school (when I should have been learning more), inasmuch that I had my own television, as did my siblings. This latter modern phenomenon is something that always bothered me in later years, when I reflected upon the tragedy.

Dare I use such a significant word? Yes, because this pertains to the tragedy of an overemphasis on individuation and subjectivity, to the point of isolation and alienation, as a result of a lack of genuine communication amongst family members, a common set of clearly defined values, and the sense of liberal views pertaining to the raising of children. I think that the common myth went and still may go something like this: our children should be free to learn, choose, and decide for themselves what to believe in, engage their time with, and find out what makes them happy in life.

On the surface, this combination of tolerance, permissiveness, and lack of engagement with child-rearing sounds great to the modern mind; yet, in retrospect, at least for myself, I can earnestly say that it was and is a formula for disaster in various ways, inclusive of too much freedom, not enough direction, and no clear guide to developing an inner moral compass.

To begin with, from the point of view of existential psychology, one of the four existential givens is significantly at play here: the continuum between freedom and responsibility. Without a sense of direction, freedom can be overwhelming, and provide too large of an area to explore, without the acknowledgment of boundaries and limitations.

Yet, society promotes this exploration, even moreso today, within the framework of progressive ideology; moreover, it seems to be a liberal standard to let one’s children find their own way in life, with all of its ups and downs, wrong roads and detours, in hopes that eventually they will be able to find the path that they as individuals are meant to be on, for the sake of their own personal happiness in life.

However, over forty years later, whereas now I feel that I am finally on the right path, I realize that according to the standards that I have accepted for myself in life, namely those proffered by the Bible, nowhere in scripture is it written, “And you shall be happy.” Meaning to say, happiness is not the most important factor of life. Moreover, the commandments given by G-d at Mount Sinai are meant to provide a moral compass in order to steer one’s life in the right direction.

Furthermore, these commandments were given to us for our own good, by a loving Father who would like to spare us from making the wrong choices in life. Even so, please, keep in mind, that He did give all of humankind free will. As is conveyed so aptly, “See, I give you life, and I give you death… choose life” (Deuteronomy 30:19). It is as if He gives us all of the right answers on the test of life, as well as the wrong answers, and encourages to answer correctly.

Existential Isolation: Transforming the Soul

Exploring the Ground of Being and G-d Awareness

A sense of groundlessness can lead to either despair, or the existential discovery of G-d. Unless addressed in the ensuing days, weeks and months, despair will always appear as a factor to be rendered with, by alleviating the isolation with a continuous search for the author of our being.

Existential psychology, in and of itself, does not recognize divine authorship of the human being; and, therefore it fails in two concerns. Not to recognize G-d as a source of hope, strength and comfort; and, secondly, neglecting the soul’s divine blueprint, with a G-d given purpose in life stamped on the essence of each individual.

This leaves a person grappling with self-identity, self-expression, and freedom without the inherent obligations commended by G-d’s word. Thus, the freedom without responsibilities acknowledged from a transcendent source, can potentially render the soul groundless, time and time again, until that sense of groundlessness is sublimated by the psyche, and filled up with the distractions in life that keep our minds distant from a higher purpose.

What is the answer? Existential psychology would both applause and critique this freedom as the opportunity to be our own authors in life; yet, while potentially becoming overwhelmed with the possibilities, especially without a sense of moral ground. (The truth is that we are not free, because of our sin nature; however, I will leave that to another time for further exploration.).

Society is being drawn toward the illusion of freedom today, with the resultant option that arises by default, namely, a pervasive nihilism whether implicit or explicit in the lives of people, who are inclined to gravitate more toward materialism than a sense of inner purpose and transcendent values.

Perhaps, it is simply when the groundlessness of our lives becomes apparent at a time of some existential crisis, that we are brought face to face with either G-d or ourselves. And, I would presume to think that it is only human nature to vacillate between the two. I am speaking of my own experience, as well as an intuition intermingled with various sources that address this fundamental truth of our existence; for instance, theology, philosophy, psychology and specific scriptural passages from the Bible.

For myself, this relatively new awareness of the groundlessness of my life has become a kind of fertile void, wherein I am able to explore more freely than in the past. Furthermore, I have gone into the depths of my own heart, and the heights of connecting to G-d through prayer, while also plummeting the wisdom of kitvei kodesh (holy scripture).

For the most part, there is a distinct blend of subjectivity with objectivity in what I am writing, as an exposition on my initial thoughts, based upon the beginning of my exploration of this condition, that needs to be named, defined, and brought out in relief by the findings of others who preceded me in their exploration, and surpass me in wisdom.

Thus, I make no pretense of knowing anything, except the experience of being that has not left me since its initial inception in my own life, when I was brought to a place of existential isolation on my last night of quarantine, after contracting Omicron, in November of 2022. It would certainly be interesting to know, if anyone else has had a similar experience, and found it to be life-changing event. (please, feel free to comment if you have).

Shalom aleichem (Peace unto you).

Partake of the Blessings

“So shall they put My name upon the children of Israel, and I will bless them. – Numbers 6:27, JPS 1917 Tanach

The kohanim served as conduits, inasmuch that the actual blessing flowed from G-d through them, unto the recipients of that blessing, the congregation of Israel. Into their lives, this blessing extended, guaranteed through G-d’s benevolence, and maintenance, so to speak, of that blessing, for only He has the wherewithal to carry out the effectual materialization of that blessing. Whereas man is limited, G-d is unlimited in regard to what He is able to accomplish for us in this world and the next. Where in your life does G-d’s blessing prevail? Where in your life is G-d’s blessings needed most?

Soul Renewal

For anyone who has an ideal set of values, and hopefully that includes you, dear reader, there may still be a disconnect between the intellect and the heart (hopefully, that does not include you). Yet, if so, that disconnect could lead to a disparity between a person’s sense of the ideal, and what is the actuality in his of her life. One way to make a conscious change for self-improvement has to do with the arena of tikkun hanefesh (renewal of the soul). The initial effort of renewal depends upon the careful observation of thought, speech and behavior over time, in order to review, discern, and make any necessary changes. On a more comprehensive scale, we can transcend our own negativity, failures, and broken dreams, by focusing on inner change.

Moreover, based upon our realization that we are not fully independent beings, that we have a connection to the divine; we may seek a connection to G-d, because that connection is inherent in the makeup of our being. For, we are created imatatio dei, in the image of G-d. In order to live up to His image, we need to find ways to express our imitation of Him. Within Judeo-Christian belief, this is done by adhering to the divine guidance given through scripture. Thus, we may transition from being subject to our fallen nature, by striving for righteousness in our lives, based on the expectations of G-d.

“Saith the L-RD, I will put My law in their inward parts, and in their heart will I write it; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”

– Jeremiah 31:33, JPS 1917 Tanach

Soul Journey

“‘Clear ye in the wilderness the way of the L-RD.”

– Isaiah 40:3, JPS 1985 Tanach

Our ways must approach the ways of G-d. If we are intent on acknowledging that “His ways are higher than our ways” (Isaiah 55:9), then we should feel inclined to make an effort in our lives to “make straight the way of the L-rd.” What would this look like for you in your life? What are the steppingstones required to reach the goals that you might envision for yourself? If we conform to the image of G-d, based upon His expectations of us, and the hope that He will mold us, then we are on our way, and He will “pave the way into eternity.”

“This world is like a vestibule before the world to come; prepare yourself in the vestibule, so that you may enter the banqueting-hall.”

– Pirkei Avot 4:16, sefaria.org